The Other Side of the Story

I found my neighbor hanging dead in his house last week, and my journey for answers brought me to this site and I feel the need to share.

Myself and other neighbors had expressed some concern that we had not seen our neighbor for several weeks. Those weeks turned to months. We didn’t know what to do, and just hoped he was away. We didn’t really know what to do, there were no signs of foul play on the outside of his home, so the police would do nothing.

A few weeks into the concerns, I told my neighbors I would check to see if his second floor porch door was unlocked. We tried his front door and it was locked. As it would turn out I didn’t do this task, until almost 2 months later. That time was last week. The reason I decided to check was because I looked over and noticed his back windows covered in flies. The chills started, and I knew something wasn’t right. I was hoping maybe he left some food out, but deep inside I knew he was in there, deceased. It didn’t take me long to get my ladder and climb up to his porch. Sure enough, the door was unlocked. I should have stopped there, should have called the police and got out of there. There is no way to describe the chills I felt, knowing I was likely going to find him deceased. But at the same time I knew I had to go in, and look for him myself.

My neighbor and I were not very close, but we were good neighbors. We always talked whenever we passed. We occasionally played catch in the yard, and went for drinks a few times. He liked to keep to himself, and we respected that. He didn’t have much family, or any other friends that came to the house. But there were never any signs that things were wrong.

So despite my best judgement, I opened the door. My memory is fuzzy as to what happened next. I remember calling his name with just the door cracked open. I can’t recall if I entered or not, but if I did, I didn’t go in very far. With the door open, flies were everywhere. I panned my light across the room. It was dusk, so not super dark, but I brought the light anyway. At the end of panning across the room, as I looked towards his stair well, there was an object in the stair well, and at first I jumped because I didn’t expect to see anything there, maybe someone was walking up from the basement? As I jumped back, my mind processed what I had seen. It was my neighbor, and he wasn’t walking up the stairs. I looked back to confirm my worst thoughts. There he hung, his skin color almost black. It only took another few seconds to confirm what I had found, then I was out, down the ladder, and back in my house, trying to compose myself to call 911.

I called 911 and told them what I had found. They asked why I entered, what I saw, what he looked like, how long since I’d last seen him, and more. Within 3 minutes the first officer was there. Within less than 10 minutes, 3 officers were there. The evening continued with more officers and investigators, answering their questions and grieving with neighbors.

While not completely sure, I think he’s been hanging there for at least 2 months, possibly 3. We live in townhouses, so our walls our joined. I’d been walking on the other side of the wall from him, merely 2 ft away, every day, multiple times a day. There never was a strong smell. After the fact, as I reflect back, there were some odd smells. Its also close to my kitchen, and I attributed the smells to something in the trash.  Once the officers entered and disturbed the body, there was definitely a very strong smell of rotting flesh, that actually quickly spread into my house.  For the most part its cleared, but occasionally I can smell it again, and the flashbacks and chills follow.

In the back of mind, when the neighbors first expressed concern, for some reason I thought that in fact he was dead in his home. My other neighbor was concerned maybe he had a medical problem. Over the months I thought, what if he is in there? Is he crazy enough to do something stupid over there? Is he in there?  What happened, where is he? As I entered his house, I expected to find him lying on the floor, or in bed. I did not expect to find him the way I did.

Its been a hard week. I’ve seen a lot of sick things, and have a pretty strong stomach, but there is nothing anyone can do to prepare themselves to see that. And I there is nothing anyone can do to erase that from their memory.  I didn’t sleep or eat for the first 2 nights/days. I couldn’t spend that first night in my house, I had to leave, partially because of the small, but also the fact that I’d been sleeping next to his deceased body for so long. I still have constant flash backs of him hanging there, and get the chills/goose bumps anytime I think about it. The hardest part is knowing how long he was there. It gets a little better each day, and I’m sleeping through the night again. I’ve shared this story with friends in family, as the more I talk about it and share this story, the better it gets. Just typing it here is also helping me cope.

Despite how f-ed up my head is now, and knowing I’ll never forget that image of him, I’m glad I found him instead of his family.  I can’t image a family member having to see what I saw.  I’m going to see a physc next week, and will deal with this traumatic event day by day.  I’m glad we found him, and he can be laid to rest, and we can all move on with out lives.  I’m sorry his had to end that way, but his suffering is over.

I’ve had hard times in life; between school, parents, siblings, girlfriends, bullies, teachers, failing courses in college, loosing jobs, accidents, etc…  I’ve felt depressed, and I, like most of you, thought about ending it all.  I think everyone, at some point in their life has had that thought.  Its the easy way out.  I don’t know what kept me going besides the hope that things would get better.  I do dream about things I want to do, places I want to see, things I want to own, and I think that keeps me going.  I don’t let people get in my way, if someone says I can’t, then that is more of a reason for me to succeed and prove them wrong.

Like I said, I found your site after this event, searching the web, trying to find answers.  I was mainly trying to find others who have had the same experience, and learn how they dealt with it.  At first I was shocked that such a site existed.  But then I realized, the site says “share your suicide story with others”.  Well this is my story.  Be safe.  Don’t let this happen to someone you love, or at least someone that loves you.