There’s very few people who know me really well. However, those who do know that I am, in fact, a shitty person. Everything about me is shit. I am selfish, ungrateful, bitchy, rude, and anything else with a similar negative connotation. I am not a good person. The worst part is that sometimes I don’t even notice it. I’ve hurt the person I care about the most. I’ve failed them. I’ve also failed myself. What’s the point of living in this world when you’re not benefiting it? I’m not going to do any good for anyone, so why should I be here? I despise myself so much. Most people don’t understand that telling me that I have a purpose in life doesn’t help. My mind and personality are what make me such a shitty person, and I can never escape my mind. It will always be with me, unless I’m dead. I honestly don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t care about “God’s plan” or that it gets better. I am not strong enough to stick it out and wait to see what happens. Everyone says it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. They’re wrong. My mind will always be with me, and so will the thoughts that upset me. I feel as if it would be better for almost everyone if I was gone. All I do is create unnecessary drama and pain. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m willing to sacrifice my life to make others happy. It’s all I have left to do.
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“What’s the point of living in this world when you’re not benefiting it?”
Do you really think that all other people are somehow benefiting the world?
“I’m willing to sacrifice my life to make others happy.”
Who would be happy if you died?
They would all be indifferent at best.
Who convinced you to believe you are so bad? You must have been scapegoated something terrible. Do not spend another moment with anyone (family or friends) who do this to you. Sacrificing your life with not make anyone happy. Try to catch yourself thinking that way and stop yourself.
What am I here for???
There in lays the rum…..
That is the million dollar question.
You seem like a very intelligent person that knows their character flaws and shortcomings very well.
The answer to your question is simply: IDK… no one knows, unless you believe in the imaginary person in the sky.
BTW: Not trying to be funny/mean, but try not to be such a ***** (using your own words) to people close to u since that might account for your lack of friends.
Clarity I winced slightly when I read your comment ‘try not to be such a *****’. Itsaugustagain you are very down on yourself, seem to have extremely low self esteem and are beating yourself up. You probably have clinical depression. I don’t think it helps to be told by a stranger ‘Stop being such a *****, that’s why you have no friends!’
Your feelings are often echoed by other people on this site Itsaugust. At least when you’re here you can probably be reminded that you are not alone in your suffering and sorrow.
All the best. Zx
Itsaugustagain, I understand what your going through… Reading that post is like reading about myself… My mind has become my enemy and thought of having to be with it for the rest of my life is a nightmare… One that I’m not willing to endure. People around don’t understand and never will.
Shit man. At least you’re not completely alone in your feelings. I fucking hate my life and I feel like everyone is joggin on through with a smile on their face while I am barely awake walking as fast as I can to keep up.
I’m there. Except that I can’t identify what makes me such a wretched person. I’m kind to people, am responsible, fairly attractive, intelligent….but I just know for a certainty that there is something horrible in me. Something gross and sad and pathetic lives behind these eyes.