hi..I…I don’t know how to write this without dying inside. I’m a complete ass. and I hate myself..a lot. no one seems to like me anymore and it’s getting harder and harder to deal with. I feel like i can’t go on anymore. I’ve been cutting myself since i was 11 ish and i just..i can’t take it anymore. i’ve tried killing myself so many times but im a baby. im too scared. i wanna just be able to do it, cuz i wan’t to end it so badly. i just, i need to leave. i wan’t to be gone forever. forever in a deep deep dream. i don’t know how to deal with anything anymore quite honestly. i do something, im judged, i do nothing im a loser. i just, i need help. i go to therapists but i never actually talk to them. i feel like i should but i’m so tired of being judged that i feel like it willl just make me feel even worse. i’m scared of the future, so scared. the people in my grade…the people in my life are just horrible. im just a girl why does everyone hate me so so much…people tell me to kill myself…should i just do it? suicide is the answer, i just need to be gone no one loves me no one cares. im a waste of a person. <– thats my true feelings. but no, i act like im fine. my family, they don’t understand. no one does. i can’t cope anymore, i can’t function. i’m..i’m not pretty. I’m completely broken inside and out and i don’t know how to handle it. people probably won’t read this, and if they do they won’t care about it. no one does. i’m not trying to feel sorry for myself im trying to learn to deal with the fact that everyone hates me. i hate me..so much. i don’t know who i’ve become and i don’t like it. i wish i was innocent again, like i wish i was 4 when everything was perfect and everyone was amazing. i want to sing but i can’t apparently. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFuLf-D-V9k&feature=g-all-u  <– that’s my video..im the blonde. not pretty, i know. just..i can’t breathe anymore. i can’t think straight. i want to leave myself…like when you are with your friend and they get annoying and you kinda just want to go back home or have them leave. thats how i feel about myself. i’m honestly a waste of space. i just..i need help…before i overdose..which im gonna do soon…sorry for wasting your time..
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3 comments
First off, don’t overdose. It’ll just make you sick and it won’t work.
Second, you look fine. Stop judging your appearance.
How old are you now? You look 16-ish. Due to this, I have to say. Suck it up and visit a therapist orrrrrr find someone you can really really really really trust and explain what you’re feeling. You can always find someone who goes through the same thing as you and talk to them as well. This website is full of people like you. Give yourself time. You need to grow from these feelings and learn to be stronger. You have a good voice. Stop treating yourself so horribly. You must find a way to be happy with yourself. Only when you are happy with yourself can you truly be happy with everyone and everything else.
Lots of people get confused around the teenage years the term for this is teen angst. Talk to your parents or communicate with them. We live in an age of pills and drugs that help with everything- the legal ones are far better then the illegal ones regardless of how someone might try to frame that if their were a drug dealer.
If you don’t like your identity now in some ways thats great, means you can try new things, different sports, different music, different hobbies and fine things you do like or at least have fun exploring.
the 2 people above nailed it perfectly…..they are 100% correct