How to keep going?

Life is so dismal right now.
I’m not really suicidal. This isn’t like straight up depression. I’ve been there. This is just intense pain. Not the black cloud hanging over my head, just the knife in my chest.
Nothing can go right.
My mom just got diagnosed with cancer. It’s far along. I can’t bring myself to ask if she’ll be ok.
This summer, my friend died.
I was ill for months.
My little bro was diagnosed with epilepsy.
My boyfriend was away all summer.
My ‘best friend’ lied to me for months and is abusive to me. I can’t seem to make myself get away from him.
I’m so lost and scared and broken. I wish I could just disappear.