I’m a 19 y/o girl who has done amazing things in life. People have told me this. I don’t feel amazing though. Yeah, I play the drums, attend culinary school, I’m known as the “church girl”. I never miss mass. Everyone see’s me with a smile. I don’t even want to smile. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times and no one knows that. I just saw a picture of someone with another person. Something I always was afraid of seeing. Someone who I gave my whole heart to…someone who I loved and cherished so much. I truly never got over this person. This is only part of the reason I don’t want to live anymore. Life has lost it’s meaning. I wanted to do big things in the world. I wanted to change people and bring them closer to God. I wanted to move people with my music. I could have been an actress if I wanted. I could have done a lot of things..
Now, I’m just laying here. I’m thinking of every possible way I can end this life. I’m selfish, I know. I have such a loving and devoted mother. My dad supports whatever I do. I have so many friends who love me for me. I’m unique, but this unique and imperfect girl wants to leave this imperfect world. I don’t know who reads these things. I’m planning on telling my closest friend tomorrow what my plans are. I hope she accepts me and for I’m going to say. I don’t want to live. If I have to wait til’ I’m 21 to buy a gun I’ll wait. But for now, I plan on not eating until I just can’t handle it. I want to feel pain. I want to cry all day and all night until God finally excepts me into his everlasting kingdom. I’m so ready for the next part of my life. I want to finally be unbroken. I want to smile and mean it. God, you know prayer. It’s been my prayer for 2 years. Please, God please do this for me. Im so ready. Please don’t let me die of a broken heart I can’t even look in the mirror. What I see I don’t like. Please take me. Please.
4 comments
there are better boys out there for you. do not be discouraged by the one relationship that didn’t work.
I’ll tell you a story.
There was a woman who married at twenty. Went off with the guy to a small town in the west of Australia. They did and had everything together. Shared a caravan, bank account and even a job taking care of horses. This man went a little further up north for work as a plummer, part time work. When this women went to visit him, she noticed her best friend being cheated on. Her husband did nothing even when she pleaded with him to talk to her friend’s cheating husband.
When the woman went back to town, three days later her husband left her before she was twenty-five. He took all of their savings, leaving her with nothing. Because of the job she was working at required a couple, she was fired. With no money she had to sell the caravan.
She was alone. She had nowhere to go. So she went to the end of a gorge and looked down. She didn’t jump, but it wasn’t from the lack of wanting. ‘Just wait’ she told herself. And wait she did.
When wondering around town a random woman invited her to stay with her. She had a friend. She met a navy officer. She went back to her home town. Five years later she was married to this man. Four years later her first child. Six years later her second.
If this woman was my mother. If she can make it this far then so can you.
nice story
I’m a 19 year old girl too and feel the same way you do, I wanted to do so many things but now I just don’t have a passion for life anymore. I feel so guilty. You sound so talented, please don’t let one guy keep you from pursuing your dreams