I have seen www.metanoia.org/suicide/ about 4 or 5 years ago. Seen it 2 years later and i read it again today. Thoughts of killing myself are returning. I married 2 years ago and it’s going downhill about 6 months after i got married. My partner was always questioning my way of doing things, my likes, my passions. My being started to battle inside and i didn’t know what i must be or become to make others happy. I just want to be in my home alone. Dont want to talk to people. They always let me down. I’ve been taking depression pills about 1 year and half and making psychotherapy about 4 months now. It’s going well and i’ve been like ok until this week. I don’t know whats happening to me again. I’ve read this site on metanoia and so i feel like writing since my wife doesnt understand my depression. I just needed someone to listen to. I dont have the guts to take my life and i know thats not the solution to resolve my problems. I love to live but not in this enviroment and people around me.
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Ouch.
Let me start real simple – does she really listen when you talk about life?? When you discuss your goals or your dreams or your fears?? Or is she self-focused and dismissive?
I have to wonder if part of your issue is a detachment from each other (not pointing blame only at her, it takes TWO to make things fail).
GL
Why are you ignoring me?
She is self-focused yes. I tryed to talk about this and she only says that i have to be positive. I try to think positive but there’s always something pulling me down. A few weeks ago i was going to leave home. I was going to spend the night in my sisters house but i couldnt. I only kept thinking about how much we have built and our stuff. So i went back. I started to regret a few days later but now i dont have have the guts to go out again. This life is so weird. I dont want to complicated even more but why we humans are so dependable of others? Nowadays i only talk with her basic life subjects, laundry, cooking, etc. Nothing more than that. She is really pretty but after all we ve been trough i dont feel atracted to her. I have told her this. Its like she ignored and pretended everything was ok, and i was just passing some phase of my life. i only have 24 years old. When i tell her my dreams or goals, she supports me in words like making a course in my area but in praticall matters she doesnt support and tries to have the money for her things, and when we dont have money to spoil a little bit of ourselves she goes to her mother “asking” for it. So she has it all she wants. I talked all my frustatrions and happyness with her but it’s like she doesnt give a damn about how i feel. If i feel bad about something she just says i should think about other stuff the take off my mind.
Okay…. first and foremost – I am no counciler. This is just my opinion, you have every right to say I am an idiot and ignore me…. That said..
– I think your spouse has no idea how to deal with depression. It is hard for most people to understand it let alone deal with it on a personal basis. Try to be patient with her. Maybe see if there is any depression groups with a counciler near you that you could attend (IE one a week or at least once a month). It helps to talk to people who are going through similar struggles.
– Sounds like your marriage is in an uncomfortable spot. Sorry to hear it – but I think that is also very common. It is hard to get used to another person (their ways of doing things, “how” they think, their logic or lack of it). It can be very frustrating…. but if you two can stick it out and actually embrace the differences – then you will find a new level within your relationship that you probably never expected.
– Sorry I have no magic pill or brilliant insight on how to achieve success for you on this…..
Best wishes to both of you.
Tks =) I am reliefed in a way to hear that and found some light at this hole so i can hope on something from your words. Of course this is not my only problem. Its a mix of workf friends, always changing jobs because of the economy, bad friends, etc. I try to ignore some stuff but there is no end. I was going good this months cause i think very much on how about things are and how people see it and i try to fit my point of view in this society. But this week my brain is thinking all of this all at once and its too much. Tks for your words again. It helps me a bit