Guilty

I’m in so much pain, my stomach hurts, my chest hurts and ohh my head is killing me.
God i really don’t know what happen. I used to be the girl who never had a negative bone in her body and now am a girl who just want an escape.
I never meant to brake my promise to her. i said i would sleep over and have the best Christmas with my best friend, especially since she was having some problems at home and things were finally getting better again.
I FORGOT OKAY!!! and the worst part of forgetting was that i actually went over at another friends house that night and had fun. jeezz . when her step dad called me and asked if i was coming over i felt so horrible . i told him that i was at a friends house but i wouldn’t mind if he came and get me, but he said it was okay. we can do it next time.. there wasnt a next time.
if i had went that night i would have found out that she was going to Atlanta to meet her biological father and spend Christmas there, i would have been able to receive my bratz barbie doll from her self then having to get it from her mother. the day i went back home form my sleep over , i had such a strange dream, i was walking and there was some type of shadow down the white path but as soon as i reached it , my mom and brother woke me up. just the looks on their faces woke me up instantly.. they told me her house was caught on fire. her step mother and half brother died with her. this was 12 years ago. ever since that day i don’t know what has been going on in my head but i sooooo badly want to end my life, i hate felling this way , i hate smiling at people when all i want to do is tell them to f4ck off. if she didn’t die i wonder if i would have been normal or is this really the life for me..