I’m new to this. So I’m just gonna start of with this. I don’t even know why I try to be happy anymore. All I am is just a worthless piece of shit. I’m no good for anything so I may as well just kill myself already. I’ve never actually attempted but I’ve been so close so many times. Many suicide notes have I written, just waiting for someone to read them as I’m just laying there dead. I fucking wish that for just one day I can be genuinely happy. I think that the only reason I still live is because of my seven month old niece. I’ve been seconds from shooting myself but then just think how could I do that to my baby girl. I’ve been trying for two years to be happy again. I’m only 14. My mom left my dad when I was 12. Ever since then my life has been so shitty until my niece was born, and it still fucking sucks but she’s the light at the end of my tunnel. Hopefully someday just how happy she makes me will outweigh my pain. Everyone bullies me at school. They don’t make my life any better. I have maybe three or four friends. I get called fat. Ugly. Gross. Disgusting. *****. Nasty. Idiot. Retarded. Stupid. I’ve been told that no one cares about me. I mean its true. All that stuff is true. But it still doesn’t make it any better. I wish people could see just how much their words hurt. I wish they could see the people they talk bitchy to all the time..I wish they could see them sit at home and cry because they have a feeling of worthlessness. Honestly deep down, does anyone want to be a reason that someone were to kill themselves? Do you really want to be that person that pushes them over the edge? I’m pretty sure no one does. So maybe, just maybe, if you stop saying such hateful things to me, and everyone else…maybe I and everyone else you jackasses are rude and hateful to, can all be happy again. Just maybe.
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2 comments
The people who push you around do so to to compensate the pains they experience, your mistake is to take it personal, how many people bullying you know you really well?
to be happy you have two choices imho: either you find someone to bully yourself and shove your frustration down his throat or to realise that you are the guardian angel to your peers taking from them the pain and carrying it yourself.
Try something: You probably know most of the words and ways people will attack you, be quicker call yourself names before they can do it and smile or thank the bullys for the chance to serve as punching ball to their inferiority complex.
Hey, I feel for you. These asshole are putting you through something that no one deserves. Something I’ve learnt in my life is that it’s hard for people to be horrible to you when you’re being nice to them so try to rise above it and don’t let them bring you down! It’s great that you have some people that you care for in your life so do your best to be there for them and you’re going to get the happiness you deserve.