There’s Something I Need To Tell You…

My little brother has a history of behaviour ‘issues’ – he gets really really angry and violent and treats everyone with disrespect. Apparently it’s not normal for him to be throwing things at me, my mum and my dad, use foul language and say he wants to kill us.He was 7 when this stared. We started going to counselling when I was 9 and it really helped. I mean it didn’t just help him, it helped me too – it helped me to get on with things and deal with what was happening. My best friend was so supportive thoughout it all.

But this year things have changed. I just turned 13 and my brother’s ‘issues’ are ‘playing up’ again. Mum decided I needed help because I stopped doing my homework and wasn’t eating much. I told her I was fine but really I felt so scared and anxious all the time it made me sick, and my best friend wasn’t at my school anymore.

We started counselling again and soon it was just me going, even though I felt waaaaay better. My counsellor told me I was still had some ’emotional stress’ and that I might need medication to get back on track. This terrified me. I had no idea things were this bad.

Now I call my mum before leaving the classroom after school and we get into major fights over the phone about whether to go to counselling. She still thinks I’m ‘not quite ok’ but I think that it’s all my counsellor’s fault I’m crying all the time. I can’t eat and recently I’ve been contemplating suicide. I started cutting myself and I think it’s disgusting. But that’s not stopping me.

Today I decided I need to tell someone about what’s happening – about how I feel and the counselling and the cutting and the crying. People in my class are beginning to notice me on the phone and are beginning to wonder.

I know I can’t do this on my own. Tomorrow I’m going to tell somebody. Not a teacher but a friend. I knwo someone can help me now. There is hope.