My life story

The best thing about this place is nobody knows me here. Well I’m just going to tell ya’ll my whole life story. I have an abusive mother, a hard time making friends, depressed, and I’ve fallen in love with a guy over seas. Ill start with my mother. We have always problems just like any mother and daughter. The abuse started in 3rd grade. When she threw a phone at me and it hit my arm. It was sprong… sprang. I dont know haha. But it stopped till 6th or 7th grade, it was simple name calling and things children would call bullying . In 8th grade she and I got in a fight and I cursed at her, so she threw water on me threw the cup at me pulled my hair and slapped me. I called the police but they didn’t help. Just this Friday she got mad at me while i was in the tub. She again threw water on me and the cup. She said I was a stupid ***** and I am going to hell. She smashed my TV and took half my clothing. Remembering how  the police don’t help I didnt call them… But now I believe she thinks its okay to do this. The fighting hasn’t stopped the names haven’t stopped. She will make messes for me to clean up. I don’t want to tell an adult because they would take me away. But its just so hard being called a whore at home when I get called it out of home… which leads to our next topic
I have a hard time making friends. I’m not shy at all. My life is preforming for people. But people I’m very close to call me names like whore (I dont see why, I’ve only kissed 1 boy) and stupid. I get very insecure. It’s awful. They are some of my closest friends but they still bully me. You may wonder why I call them friends… I wonder that too. I help them with their problems all the time. One even has tried committing suicide 10 times… who saved him. I did.  But he is the worse of the bulling problems I have with them . They see how my mother treats me and understand why I’m moody. But they still go at it.
I’ve had depression sense I was 9. I know such a young age. I don’t know why I was depressed. But I was. It’s very easy for me to hold back depression. But when it hits me it hits me hard. I don’t cut… I see no point in it. It wont help me. But I stop eating. I love the feeling of being hungry. I love it when my stomach grumbles. I also write poetry. Its all I have to my self. Well it was my mother found my book. She read about me wanting to commit suicide at one point. I truly hope to never go back to wanting that. She read about feeling strapped down by her. She tore pages and told me I was the rudest child ever. I still write… instead of being careful with it. I get more careless and write exactly how I feel. If its rude to be me… then to bad.
I have recently fallen in love with this guy who lives over seas. Well by recently I mean like June and it’s November. I’ve known him sense December ’11. It’s really hard not getting to talk to him all the time because of time zones. But we make it work. We still haven’t met. But he’s coming to America in July’13. It’s no secret to my friends or family. They know him and all speak with him and his mom whom we all call “Mum” . It’s hard to keep up with but with out him I have no clue where I would be. He’s more like a big brother then a “Boy friend”. But that’s how I like it.

All and all my life is a mess, but I can live with it. I’m sorry for taking up all of your time. Thank you for reading tho xxxxxxx