A couple of days ago i met my ex who had had the abortion. We haven’t really spoken about it since it happened and so when i brought it up it was a bit of a touchy subject. She had told a friend about it and they had advised her to write a letter to the baby and just say how she was feeling, she never had though.
We decided we would write one together. None of us knew what to say though and so we just sat for a while. Then we wrote ‘sorry’! That’s all i could say at first but then we got into the flow and tried to explain to the baby what had happened and why.
I told the baby how much i miss her and how much i would have loved to be meeting her in just a couple of months!
I am so sorry little one i never meant to hurt you! I was selfish and i should have stuck up for you and fought yur battles for you. You had no-one else and i let you down! I am so sorry!
Boots
7 comments
:'(
Boots, you did what you felt was right. I have terminated a pregnancy before and I strongly believe that our souls never die. Your baby is fine, try not to carry any guilt . Everything will be ok.
I had a dream and it said i was forgiven. I don’t believe any shit like that is real but it was nice to hear. I hope it will be right now i can’t forgive myself for hurting my baby
Boots I’m glad you had a dream like that, it seems like it gave you a little bit of closure even if it wasn’t much at least it made you feel a bit better. Trust me boots you aren’t to blame for what has occurred, and it shows that you cared so much about your little one by how distraught you are about what happened, you will be a great fathe one day, a very loving parent and i know you will do anything for your future childr, I mean it from the bottom of my heart
It was just so hard rathernot. I just wanted to say sorry and i’m so glad i was forgiven. But still that should never have happened! I’m a coward running away and leaving a helpless baby. I didn’t even fight for the baby! That is not what a good father does!
Boots, I still don’t think you did anything wrong, when things occur in the moment we don’t always have time to think, we might make mistakes at times and in the future we look back at what we would have done. You are going to be a great father because it shows that you care, and you are in pain because of what happened, a bad father wouldn’t have a second thought about this situation. You are a different person then before and I’m sure that if you could go back in time you would have done anything you could to save your little one. But now we have to look into the future and we have to think about your future children, and what you can do to be the best father you can be for them. For starters you should stop drinking (not sure if you have stopped), and try to be as healthy as you can be for your future little ones.
Boots, I sincerely hope you’ll come to see your bravery in sharing your story here with us as a very important step to finding / regaining the peace you feel is lost to you. Personally, I want to thank you for your courage to confide in us something which I’m sure has haunted you for a long time. I say this because I actually do understand your situation completely. I did the same thing. Worse, I’ve done it more than once (I was too immature to even let myself feel the magnitude of what i had done wrong the first time). I also have felt the guilt and ugliness of my own cowardice and betrayal.
You’re doing what you can to face down this particular demon of yours, and that you’re able to with your child’s mother is a very beautiful, gracious gift to be thankful for.
Love is the way out of everyone’s personal Hell. Let yourself both feel and give it.
I wish you the best.