theres nothing i can say or do is there? well it wouldnt matter if you said yes or no bec it doesnt change the fact that there is nothing i can ever say or do that is the right thing- i thought I was doing the right thing and now i have no idea about anything really. even though my life was screwy I had these constants that were just there…certainties that I thought well if this ship goes down at least these things will still be around. at least i have this or at least i have that. reality check you dont have anything or anyone around anymore. somehow along the line you fucked everything up and now theres nothing. my friend is off in la la land and i have no idea why maybe its a better place to be right now i should think about tickets…it would be lovely to check out and not give a fuck about anyone or anything and not care that I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. It would be gravy (great in american) to just be yourself and have everything work out in the end right? You would think that…but on my own I’ve learned alot about people and the harsh realities of life. So I wanted to share with you what I have learned while being independent and abroad. There’s a list.
1. Sometimes people are just douchebags for no rhyme or reason at all.
2. Sometimes people you thought you knew change into selfish assholes for absolutely no reason.
3. Life doesn’t give answers it just makes questions and more questions that have no answers.
4. Life isn’t fair and people suck.
5. Sometimes friends become enemies and enemies become friends.
6. Money can buy me all these great things…but it can’t buy me my friend back. If someone said i can get your friend to talk to you and actually want to be your friend it will cost 200,000 dollars. I would say ok lets do it, its worth it. But that can’t happen..why? Because the friendship was priceless. and I learned money sucks just as much as people suck.
7. If you do for yourself you always win and half lose…if you do for others you always lose and rarely win.
8. hope is entirely useless and prevents people from changing.
9. good and evil are blurred and its most likely you’re being lied to all the time and you dont even realize it. everything you loved is just demolished and no one fucking gives a shit. 10. the world is so fucked that its most likely someone else kills you before you get the opportunity or bravery to off yourself.
11. Pills weaken the mind.
12. prayer is just as useless as hope. you ask for a sign or for something to get a little better and instead you get an even larger and even bigger shit storm that you can barely function through let alone survive anymore bad shit.
13. What kills friendships? Someone saying theryre a friend when they really could care less what youre doing or where your going or how youre doing or if youre ok – friendships die when it becomes an evident and painful chore. when expectations and obligations outweigh the having fun part. when fear takes control of the mind and the heart. everything around you falls apart.
14. You cant live in the past because the present is here and the future is on the way.
15. You cant change people into something that makes you feel better.
16. You cant depend on other people to make you feel happy.
17. The end is inevitable, but how we get to the end isn’t.
18. Sometimes people just give up on you and you’ll never know why.
19. Even the loneliest person can have a friend within themselves.
 20. Sometimes you make the right choice and you do the right thing but its too late
21. It’s ok to be wrong about everything. which I am anyways according to everyone ive ever fucking met in my life.
22. Sometimes people just don’t like you at all anymore- they want to move on and you refuse to let it go…but in the end if they wanna be a douche and change everything that was and be a fucking asshole and not respond to messages or want to talk anymore or even give one little tiny bit of shit about how youre feeling and where you are… and how they are and whats going on now and talking in general about any sort of something that makes sense and theres a plan and theres some amount of peace…and whenever they do talk to you they seem like someones holding them at gunpoint to actually be in the same vicinity or time frame talking and they royally hurt your feelings by doing something that probably wasn’t supposed to do that but expected to hurt… well maybe you should let that person go if they just dont want to be your friend anymore…you thought about that miss? Maybe it’s you .. and maybe no one fucking likes you because you were right to think that at the very beginning and in the end you just end up this way like you said and you end up believing in someone or something and that gets fucked… and then you feel fucked and then theres nothing but bad feelings and thinking about how it used to be but no one cares anymore…maybe once but not now…and yeah you’re alone but its your fault because you didnt do what you were supposed to do when you said it and now guess what? you get to pay for that so keep your trap shut and just accept the fate of your choices.
23. Never say you miss someone bec it only makes you look like a weakling
24. Being angry is never allowed, even if you were fucked over and treated like a worthless piece of garbage and shunned for absolutely no logical reason.
25. British people dont like the dentist or Australians, and Australians dont like bathing or being honest about their plans and feelings.
26. Can you follow your heart and do whats right? (The answer is still no. I’ve tested it out there’s no way in hell you can do both someone always fails and loses and hurts because of something and yeah, it fucking sucks alot. )
And then you say I cannot explain myself. Well don’t try then. Who ever tried to do anything anyway? Trying is for losers who just disappear on someone they knew would be hurt. I am so sad and unbelievably pathetic that every single moring I would wake up …have my coffee and get on a fucking bus to an internet cafe to pay to use the internet there and I would just sit there for hours. Irony is the one person I found that I like talking to , doesn’t fucking want to talk to me…for some reason its painful or a bother .I don’t know…and I’ve waited for an answer on that for about 5 months or more now MAYBE WE CAN ALL JOIN FORCES AND BE SUPER ANGRY TOGETHER!!!!!!!! YEAH WHOOOO!  I left everything behind and now I really have nothing. I thought it would be different and now that i know somewhat that it wont change that this is how it is not because of me but because of something else i wont talk about… that I should just go back home where I came from.I hate the fact that even after I’ve said all this… they’ll still be some kind of epic problem with me. And I’ll hear nothing about this or anything at all. I hate the fact that I look like a huge tool fuckin idiot. And I sound even more trashy.
27. If you take the time to believe in someone or something and you believe in yourself it never ends well.
28. Every step you take just puts you farther behind the rest of the world.
29. If you say I’m sorry…you have to know why.
30. If you are angry with someone write a novel about them.
31. Friends apparently mean different things in different cultures.
32. Being pissed off is better than being pissed on. (unless ur into that sort of thing…no jugements…)
33. Sometimes there is no closure or no final line…sometimes things are just over and nobody cares to resurrect it even if you care.
34. dont wish about having a different life…just make a different life for yourself and wish that others knew they could do that.
35. Dont give up on your dreams because your dreams will resent you for it and give up on you.
36. It’s ok to be a cynic and have a negative outlook on the world…you just dont live as long as positive people. who would want to live longer here anyways? (cynical humor but really, who would fucking want to exist another moment in this constant barrage of insanity and drama and family bullshit and all the disappointments you and others have created why oh why spend another day when nothing ever counts or matters and justice doesnt exist?)
 37.SOMETIMES YOU WASTE ALL YOUR TIME AND HEART AND ENERGY AND SOUL AND LOVE AND DREAMING AND HOPE AND FAITH AND GOOD STUFF AND JOY ON FIXING A LIGHTBULB. WHEN IN REALITY THE LIGHTBULB WAS NEVER FUCKING BROKEN. DUH.
38. Drugs don’t improve the quality of your mind…they just mask your mind from the truth..which the truth probably will hurt but its better to know the truth than nothing at all.
39. There are many downsides to not wearing socks and walking around with bare feet. AND LASTLY
 40. You must build a home for yourself in your own mind and heart. So that wherever you go the home goes with you and when you’re lost it won’t be for very long. (quote i heard on criminal minds tv show forgot who its author was… )
2 comments
I fucking loved that.
Hahahaha…numbers 37 and 39 are my favourite. Nice job Ezrakata!!! And so much wisdom mixed in with your self-deprecating humour.
Peace
Amakua