Tanner you broke me. You win.

Lucky him he’s moved onto a new girl i should be happy, but its only to ironic. Tanners new girlfriend is Ryanne, ive been talking to her ex dylan. She said i’d look cute with him but even though i like him i dont wanna date him, one because i wanted to give them both time to heal, and because of the fact i dont wanna date anyone cause im still not over tanner, i dont wanna use anyone as a rebound.

It’s not fair i hate all of them all this fucked up shit, i wonder if tanner knows those more recent scars on my arm that he points out when ever i mention his is from HIM! all from the shit he puts me through dailing dragging me on  a little fucking string taking EVERYTHING from me. All my pride, happiness, everything. Doesnt help i’ve been stressing over my past. The nightmares are for frequent intense and i cant sleep. I go to school tired and exsausted, trying to just get threw the day with out killing myself in the girls bathroom. I have a razor, i have my pills, i have shit to suffacate my self with in my backpack! Along with my schoolwork. Why does no one see how fucking close to the edge i am. Ah hell i already slipped im just barley hanging on to ready to let go no ones ever gonna come pick me back over the cliff. So why dont i let go already. Oh yeah i wanna try talking to my counslur this wensday hahah i forgot.

Friday is softball tryouts and since im in sports medicine means i get to go back on season early mornings (5am) late nights ( 11pms) o the fun of game days and tournaments. I’ve been holding back since 6th grade trying to convinve myself all this time that somewhere deep inside i wanted to live. Tanner was the first guy i truley loved, funny thing is he only shall me as a sex toy. God how i wanna slice my skin i try to resist but the butterflies have faded the scars on my left shoulder are healing, i wont be cutting their till after softball season is over but my upper thighs and hips are still an option. Im sure after season they will be covered in scars, but who cares anymore right? It’s all just a game of life and death and this time i think i’m finally willing to lose.

Sorry for this bullshit rant if i didnt say anything i though i would really go insane. Really just lose it, Tanner Felkins or any of your friends who read this you fucking WON! you destroyed me okay i dont give a fuck about hiding it anymore you took EVERYTHING from me, everything from me. I was finally get over everything before i met you then you just had to come in sweet talk me into believing you would always be there.

Well always is broken

Forever is gone

I hope one die you’ll hear my song

Of a pleading girl already gone.