Today sucks, I didn’t want to do anything. I hated to be at therapy today. But when one of the therapists got me out of the group, I knew my mood would get worse because of the talk. My mom had called to therapy because she was worried about me. I told her yesterday that I didn’t want to live anymore. So one of the therapists wanted to talk to me about that. I really got angry when she wanted me to say: “I want to die.” She knew that I wanted to die, because my mom told that to her. She had also said to my mom that they saw it differently, yeah right… After therapy I was just so pissed off. Hopefully someone will ever understand me and help me get rid of it.
~ Every little setback feels like my whole world collapses… ~
5 comments
just curious – did you ever actually say to your therapist ‘i want to die”, like he/she requested? if not … why? If that’s what you want and you told your mom, why not just tell the therapist too?
i’m sure there’s reasoning that i’m just not thinking of at the moment os i’m asking an honest question(s)
quizical dawg
@ Dawg, Well, they know from the beginning of my therapy that I have suicidal thoughts. And yesterday my mother had called them that she was afraid that I commit suicide soon, because I told her. So I had a talk with one of the therapists and she just gave me the feeling like she didn’t took me seriously. She asked me if there was a chance that I would do it this weekend and I said: “It can happen every moment, but I guess not this weekend, but an other day soon.” She said okay and the conversation was done… I really thought like wtf, so I probably won’t do it this weekend and then is everything okay?! Believe me, they don’t understand me….
Unfortunately you’re dealing with therapists (most of them) who have no personal or practical experience with the actual feelings – on some level to them it’s a 9 to 5 academic exercise outlined by textbooks and legalities that guide them – my thinking is they’re looking for you to actually say, out of your own mouth, a very specific phrase that fits into their flow chart of actions to take.
The upside is – if you utter the magic words they’re looking for, they’ll “help” you more aggressively … the downside is, that “help” might involve involuntary hospitalization.
now – let me be very clear – i have no raining, knowledge or experience regarding these matters other than an aggregate of what i’ve read of the experiences of others on this site and other sites – but that said – i would suggest you try to explore the specific reasons and situations that make you feel like suicide is your best option – not the fact that you want to do it – suicide is a conclusion that is arrived at after a set of circumstances that you’ve experienced – finding a better way to understand, accept, and move on from those circumstances and come to a different, more positive conclusion.
in other words – something or a bunch of somethings got you to this point – reprocessing and understanding and moving past those “somethings” is a more important task to analyse with your therapists …
try and approach it from the position of the therapist – what would you say to you? how would you help you? and if you know something they do not then you can’t expect them to read your mind – you cave to communicate what you know to them so they can better understand and formulate a way to best help.
therapy dawg
Dawg,
very good advice! i’m impressed with you! 🙂
I have searched high and low for therapists. I’ve met with numerous doctors from various specialties. I would tell them I was actively suicidal and they wouldn’t even schedule another appointment. I walked out of so many offices after saying I was suicidal and was shocked at lack of response.
Months later, I’ve informed my family and friends of my intentions. I got rejected by family and only one friend bothered to comment or call.
The current psychiatrist does take me seriously, however, and that really, really helps!