I’ve lost a job I loved. And I need to to pay this month’s rent and the next and etc. And I can’t fathom any of this because before all of this I was the suicidal girl and that never changed, though the circumstances that effected my life did. But how can I begin to start again when all I want more than anything is death? I have interests, but the only driving force that really exists within me is anything that gets me closer to death. This is my secret that I can’t tell anyone. Until my eventual suicide says it all.
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7 comments
This is just a chellenge for you. I know you dont believe me when i say things will get better but they will this is just a little problempassing stage in your life.
Keep applying for new jobs. I’m sure you will get another one soon. Why do you want to end your life hun?
DON’T YOU DARE KILL YOURSELF. I LOVE YOU AND I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, “you don’t know anything about me, how do you love me” BUT I LOVE YOU SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THERE’S PROBABLY SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO FANTASIZES ABOUT YOU ALL DAY AND YOU CAN’T JUST GIVE UP, you can’t do that to yourself, you can’t do that to them, or me. i love you.
NOOO!!!!!! THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON TO LIVE. EVEN IF YOU ARE BULLIED OR A LOT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE BUT DONT KILL YOURSELF. YOU ARE A GIFT TO NATURE AND MOTHER EARTH WANTS YOU TO LIVE LIFE AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. IT IS WORTH IT TO LIVE. IT REALLY IS……DONT KILL YOURSELF……. YOU SRE MY FRIEND INSIDE BECUASE I KNOW YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A LOT OF STUFF THAT IS REALLY ROUGH
I know everyone says things will get better. And they do, eventually. But then something else happens or nothing happens but eventually I self destruct and it’s this continuous cycle with me. It’s like I’m this sickness that I have no idea how to fix. Maybe I am loved, by my family at least but that’s because they have to. I’ve never found anyone, or to be more precise I’ve never let anyone in because this terrifies me yet I secretly need it to validate whether or not I should even be here. I get the whole advice of somebody out there loves you. And it did keep me going for a while, but when you live with depression for this long those little anthems are just that, words. So many people look at me and are bewildered by how I feel because on the surface I have it all. But no one gets how much that doesn’t comfort me, it just adds to my own self hatred. It makes no sense to me either. I guess what I really need is a friend. Or to feel like I have a connection to someone who feels the same way as me.
I hate it when people ask me that question. I don’t know why I want to die. The only response I have to that is I don’t want to live. I have a question for you Dave_N, why are you on this site?
I apologise in advance Dave_N, that was rather rude of me. I assume like everyone else you have your problems and it’s an interesting place to come to some sort of conclusion of this. What I meant was, have you suffered from depression in the sense that you’ve been suicidal?