My good, close (probably best) friend’s girlfriend killed herself in October 2011. She walked out in front of a train. After hearing about her death, I’ve become obsessed. Ive been researching her story, statistics of suicides by trains, and even just watching trains pass in my free time. I’m so desperate to know if this girl felt any pain, or if she died on impact. I want to know what was going through her head as she waited for the train, and what she was thinking as she walked out onto the tracks, knowing those would be her last steps. I want to know who or what she was thinking of when she braced herself for impact, if she even did. Wasn’t she scared? How could she just stand there and wait for this huge locomotive to hit her? The blinding train headlights, the blaring noise of the whistle; I’d be too afraid to just stand there and wait, knowing what would happen. How could she do that? What was she thinking? I’m so desperate to understand and make sense of all this…
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Yes getting hit by a train is complex. Bonk your head hits the face of its locomotive and you go unconscious, but then what? Your heart’s still beating and you haven’t lost much blood.
Maybe we’d have our head bashed in immediately, at least achieving a comatose vegetative state. But that’s half-assed. Hopefully we’d flop down under the train where the magic happens. Tatters of our loose clothing would hopefully get snagged on the various metallic apparatus hanging below by the wheels.
Sliced and diced into roughly smaller chunks of meat, we’d hope that blood loss would quickly lead to cardiac arrest. Partial or complete decapitation, or somehow having our sternum impaled/crushed would be welcome shortcuts. Maybe the driver would see us, maybe not.
Probably there would be strings of our carrion left behind to feed the birds and strays awhile. Eventually attracting dirt and dust, our greasy bits would swiftly blend in with other debris on the tracks; which begs the question as to what company our bits might mingle with.
Or maybe we wake up next to the tracks (bruised and bloodied) ready for another go?
Dear God I hope she just died immediately. I hope she didn’t feel any pain. To me, her act was almost (dare I say) brave. It’s got to take a lot of guts to stand there on the tracks of an oncoming train, knowing what will happen. Am I right? Or am I just delusional…