It really surprises me how my mood can go from being OK (I wasn’t entirely happy) to  me feeling like utter scum. I started talking more in lunch and fifth period and I usually don’t talk so whenever I do I feel like people just look at me like “why do you even open?” because of the looks they give me, but that doesn’t bother me that much compared to talking to the people you like because it feels like “am I annoying to you?”  I don’t know maybe school’s just another trigger for me but I feel like “look at all these people probably going somewhere in life and probably more interesting than I am too” ad it’s not just that but my mother too if she weren’t my mother I probably wouldn’t love her  because she doesn’t understand how I feel she’ll just make me feel less than and add to my problems I guess without meaning to, she’ll tell me how much of a loner I am , how I don’t do anything , how I’m faking being depressed. But I can’t complain I’ve done a lot in trying to help myself I joined this site and I didn’t go through my plan of suicide that I had back in October and I talked to more people and joined a support group online so I wouldn’t feel so lonely and took an even bigger step by going to my school social worker to get help but I still feel empty and lonely I don’t have anything figured out. Goodnight I have  a headache and I feel sick it’s 12:16 AM and I need to finish my  homework so I can go to bed