It all started when I was born my real mother was seventeen and my real father was twenty-three my real father was in prison for drugs and my real mother gave me up for adoption. I was took in three days later I was only four months old. A woman named “Wilma” took me in and raised me until I was three and she met my step father “Paul” I never actually had a dad before so I was happy but a step father came with three step sisters and two step brothers they were all old enough to live on thier own except two of them my step sisters “Faith” and “Kim”. As I grew older I met my real father and had grown rather close to him until I was seven then he past away of a heart attack I was sad for such a long time my real father loved me and I loved him aswell but life went on without him as if he never existed which to some he didn’t because to them he was worthless but to me he was “dad”. Things only got worse from there. I gain a whole lot of weight that I sadly still have, Faith and Kim bullied me and sometimes made me cry but when I was around Wilma and Paul I put on a smile because they hated seeing me cry. Faith was the apple of Paul’s eye and often got many things she wanted as did Kim, but when I wanted something I couldn’t have it for we did not have the money so I stopped asking for things. Paul often played favortisim because I was not his real child and Wilma almost never spoke up. The only person I had to talk to was my cousin “Marley” she understood everything I was going through and we became best friends. Sadly after a while even Marley and I drifted apart and I had no one. That’s  when it started I was asleep in my room while Wilma was at work, Faith was at a friends, and Kim was at her mom’s house. Paul came into my room and molested me I immediately woke up and he stopped he said ” Don’t tell anyone or they won’t believe you. Do you really want to get rid of two fathers?” I shook my head I didn’t want to lose a dad again it would hurt too much also I was so young I had no idea what was going on I was only seven. Then I met my real mother for the first time a year later but there was no affection in my eyes only hate I hated her for giving me up I still do if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t had gotten molested for almost the entire year. Paul stopped for a while and I was in a way happy but I couldn’t tell anyone, I had nightmares of him touching me, and I wanted to find someone anyone to talk to, but sadly that didn’t happen. I grew to the age nine and it started again it’s been on and off for the past eight years I am not fourteen and I see him as my dad even though I know I shouldn’t I told someone about a year ago Marley but she didn’t believe me because Paul is her uncle by blood and she would never think that of him. I love Wilma dearly and I want to tell her I just can’t she has so much going on I can’t hurt her like that she loves him so much I can’t do that to her I’d rather live in misery than see her cry she gave me life an amazing life I could never mess up her life the least I can do is try to make her life as stress free as possible. But he’s been molesting me more frequently and the dreams have become horrid and vivid I am afraid to go to sleep I am afraid to wake up I am just afraid. I only tell to one thing about this and that’s my diary. Paul is a church going man and everyone adores him they’ll believe the world will end tomorrow before they’ll believe he did/does this to me. I look at my knife more often but then I think of Wilma’s face and I can’t do it I can’t do that to her. I can’t stand this world this reality. Also I am not skinny at all, I am really insecure, I am not the prettiest girl in the world, and I struggle with my grades now. All the boys I like think I am awful so I kinda gave up on trying to find love for I know I will not find it. I have been molested, betrayed, laughed at, and bullied all my life but I help many people in need if they need to talk or they’re having a rough time I help, yet when I need help no one is there? So I cry every night I hope and pray Paul doesn’t come in here and molest me again but honestly I know he will I am so scared I don’t know what to do? I can’t kill myself because of Wilma I can’t tell anyone because of Wilma I keep it all in so Wilma can be happy because she deserves it so much she has really never had happiness she deserves to be happy even at the expense of my happiness. So I guess I will just have to deal with it for another four years until I am eighteen god I hope I make it that far. Sometimes I imagine myself in a different world not in reality at least and honestly I am so happy but then I remember that’s not real none of it is and I come back down to earth or back to hell I should say. Well I think I have took up enough of your time thanks for reading and please help.
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I wish I could help you.
You have to tell someone. Go with a psychologist, say you really need help, or go to a place where you can find someone, do not stay silent, be strong honey, everything will be fine.
have you considered threatening paul to stop…….i can think of a few good things to say that might make him reconsider next time hes being sick but i dont really want to give you bad ideas you know him and the situation better than i……..but imagine the police holding him against his will because a lovely young girl commited suicide and left a note saying why then imagine him going to jail and get molested and his life ending as he knows it and all his family and friends turning against him ofcourse this is just a threat but if say you saved some money and got a cheap video camera you could put it on record when you sleep and then you have evidence as backup ofcourse i seen it in some movie and dont know whether it will work anyways dont be to haste in any action bcuz anything you do can backfire and become worse but i he gets away with it bcuz u dont stand up to him thats what bullies do, id kick his fkin azz for free if you lived near me in england anyhow i wish you luck be strong be smart <3
Hm. Solution. Hide a razor blade on you. If he pulls it out, hack at it with the razor blade….or buy a tape recorder and hide it and turn it on when he tries it and get him talking…then to the police station 🙂 im sorry that such people does things to innocents :/ the razor blade thing is kind of a sick joke but could be a final resort…but i think itd be better to do the tape recorder thing….considering everyone adores this paul words alone wouldn’t make many believe you, people never want to believe someone close to them could do such things….the police would launch an imvestigation but paul woul probably just lay low with the molesting till its over :/ or hey! If you cant get a tape recorder…use a cell phone….have 911 on speed dial…mute the volume so you can’t hear them but they can hear you….the dispatcher can then become a witness to it….sorry if my suggestions seem dumb or difficult…i don’t know how to help….:/
Thank you everyone none of your suggestions are dumb or difficult. @inf1n1 I have threatened him many times but he’s really strong so for some reason he thinks I am joking but thank you. I will try to tell someone again because I do need to but it’s really hard to do when you look at someone as a father because your actual amazing loving is dead.
The most unfortunate thing is – there is not “great” answer that makes everything “all better” … there’s just what’s right and what’s wrong … what “paul” does is despicably wrong without doubt. The problem comes that if/when you do expose him for what he is – people will either not believe you or they will be angry because they have to face an ugly truth that shatters their nice comfortable life.
I’m sorry for your situation – i wish i had an answer – if there was some way you could prove (hard proof – something more than just your words) to the police or to a doctor (who I believe HAS to report allegations of abuse) that would help.
But any way you cut it – everyone’s life is changed – here is a national rape hotline number to call to see if they can give you better information than i can
1.800.656.HOPE
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
http://www.rainn.org/
Hopefully you can find an answer
sorry dawg
To add – i worry that anything i tell you would have long lasting negative effects and as much as i know what’s happening is totally wrong and you want it to stop – the only two people who can stop it is either him or you – since i cannot know what these effects would be, let me suggest that every time he comes into your room you yell scream and cry as loud as possible to try and wake up the whole hous … at least then everyone in the house will know he is in your room – that means he will have to explain his actions – they might not believe he is there to do anything bad but they’ll KNOW he was there – you can always say you thought he was an intruder and that’s why you freaked – nothing kills the sexual mood faster than a difficult/unwilling/defiant “partner”
Of course – he will NOT be happy and it is possible there will be lasting consequences in how you are treated in the days and weeks afterwards. one can only hope that him being seen in your room would be enough to shame him to never go back in if he thinks you will make a huge fuss – abusers count on you being so afraid that you won’t ever think about telling – but once an accusation is made – i don’t care how much of a “good man” everyone thinks he is – everyone WILL start looking for the “clues” and signs and their will ALWAYS be a doubt in their minds
apprehensive dawg
[I am fine] : ” … she gave me life an amazing life I could never mess up her life …” — You feel indebted to her – she chose, wanted to, adopt a little baby whom she obviously wanted to love, nurture and protect, as any adult adopting a child should … It will obviously “hurt her”, but you also have to give her the opportunity to properly deal with the reality of what is going on in your “family” – would you ever want to have as a spouse someone who molests seven-year olds / 13 year-olds even – Obviously NOT !! I must add that sometimes others might even, at least, suspect something, but choose to ignore it – I hope that this is not the case here … He seems “strong” to you – I assure you that he is not that strong, and you have to realize that you cannot continue, at all, to “look at [“Paul”] as a father”, for he is not – he’s just a sick individual manipulating and hurting in the most despicable manner a vulnerable child … I would advise going to your nearest police station as soon as you can – once you relate what’s been happening, you will get the protection and support you require – don’t worry about ‘convincing’ anyone … Forget about ‘surviving’ through this sick situation “another four years until I am eighteen” … Please keep communicating (with the police, counsellors, people here, …) – please draw up the strength and do the right thing to protect yourself, and get the help you require …
I agree completely I just don’t know how to tell her because if I do I know she will listen but I just don’t know if she’ll believe me. This has happened before to one of my cousin’s on Paul’s side he even went to jail for it I was so relieved but then he got out and Wilma didn’t believe he did it, it was like he could do no wrong so I am worried she won’t believe in me either.
If he was already charged and did jail time for the same thing – then all you need to do is call police – they have zero tolerance for repeat offenders.
“wilma” is probably more worried about how to pay bills and stuff without him than what’s best for the kids
scales of justice dawg
You sound like Cinderella:) Your horse &nd carriage awaits you. Be patient.
Thank you all so very much you all have given me much more strength than I have ever had I sincerely thank you all.