Hi

This is the first time I post something on here but I feel like I’m finally ready to do something like this. For this first post I think I’m just gonna tell my story, I need to get it off my chest.
On the 30 of September 17 years ago my brother was born. And 2 years later on his birthday, I was born. We always shared our birthday and it was something really special. Me and my brother were always close, like few brothers and sisters are. Besides being my brother, he was also my best friend.
But it all ended on the 25 of September 2012, which is a little over 8 months ago.
Because somewhat over 8 months ago my beloved brother took his own life. It was the worst day of my entire life and I think it will stay that way. We had no clue he was doing that bad and he had such bad thoughts. It was also 5 days before our birthday which only made it worse. Because that was the first time I had to celebrate our birthday alone. It was horrible.
The past 8 months have been the worst of my life. First I couldn’t believe he was gone, but as time passed by it slowly sinked in that he wasn’t coming back. Not long after that I started self-harming as a way of coping with all the pain.
I’m just a child but I already lost my hero. I mean, 5 days before I turned 15, I feel like I lost my childhood and the ability of being careless. I’ve changed. Besides self-harming I’ve also been suicidal these whole 8 months. Somewhere I just want to follow him so bad and be with him again, but on the other hand I can’t do it to my parents. They can’t lose both their children.
But I just really don’t know how much longer I can do this, being here without him. If you made it to the end of this text, thank you for reading this whole thing.