My mind tells me that I am a prisoner trapped in my own fuckin body. I so desperately need to be free from this little thing we call life, to just leave this God forsaken planet. I have so much rage, hate, and anger pent up in side me I literally feel as if I could explode, I try my best to keep it under lock an key (I mean what kind of man can’t even control his own emotions) but sometimes it gets the best of me and I usually end up trying to cave someone’s face in. And it feels great at the time, to physically impose my will knowing that just about the only thing that can stop me when I snap like that is a taser or a bullet. But afterwards I don’t feel so great about doing things like that. I need to leave this place before I hurt anyone else, one bullet to the brain will ease my pain an I will finally be sane, no more voices in my head no more arguing with myself no more nothing. Just a few more things to take to the goodwill an I’ll have gotten rid of most of my stuff, donated most of clothes an wild game I took this year to the homeless shelter. Just about ready to free myself from my mind, my body, my own personal hell.
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2 comments
It’s good to rant. Gets thins out 🙂
I tried to comment on this earlier, but scrapped it.
I can certainly relate. Best thing i can suggest is to remove yourself from infuriating situations, and try to embrace the concept of restraint. And i don’t mean sitting there fuming, boiling, flexing your entire body, fully enraged like Hulk mode. I mean… detach, step back, breathe… attempt to alter the way external stimuli affect you, and the way you choose to respond to it, in the cases when you cannot change the thing disturbing you. Also, wild guess, try not listening to aggressive music for a while. When you’re feeling particularly surly and volatile, try to distance yourself from anything that “angers the blood,” or anyone who might walk into your line of fire. Sometimes you just have to be alone and think and fume and be mad at the world. There’s no use dumping that on people who can’t understand it… even if you’re pretty sure their face deserves a good caving.