I have 3 brothers, sister and mother. My dad suffers from dementia… My sister is my only sibling, whos been acting like a real one. Mother said that my birth was the biggest mistake ever in her life and she’d be so happy if I had offed myself. She blames my narcotic painkiller addiction which I developed after I was hit by a speeding car and by a miracle survived. It hurts. It really hurts, I always wanted to love my brothers and especially my mother. I’ve found my salvation in helping random people whenever I can. I guess their gratitude compensates somehow for the lack of maternal love…
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Trust me, sometimes it feels like your family is better off without you but, its not true. Blood is thicker than water and always will be. People say things the don’t mean when they’re angry or anxious. Sometimes to avoid the pain I try to distance myself from my family and try to find that same bond in my friends, but its not possible. At the end of the day, when you’re in trouble, your family will be the only one who will be there. Your family will be the only one who will forgive you and love you no matter what you’ve done. You have your sister – Talk to her and tell her how you feel. One person is enough to make your life worth living. And those people who treat you like you’re worthless, kill them with kindness. I know its hard to do, believe me I get frustrated and angry very easily. But when people say things that hurt, take a deep breath, count to ten and give them the biggest smile you can manage. No human can be void of guilt so take the high road and it will pay off.
P.S. its great that you’re take part in random acts of kindness, its people like you that make this world a better place to live in!
Another perspective…I heard Bob Dylan say “sometimes you’re born to the wrong parents”. It may not be the case with you. You’ll have to decide. I can tell you that you can find another family. I don’t know your age but perhaps you can hang in there until your college years. I found if you can get to college, away from your family you can make a new family of like-minded friends and then you can have your own family when you get older. 🙂 Just an option perhaps. I’ve seen it work for others.
Have you tried telling your Mum that she isn’t right for saying what she said to you? She was probably very angry at the time, and yes I do understand narcotic addiction the doctors helped me come off them because of a diffferent physical condition that is going away thank God. I won’t go into it here though. All I’ll say really is that if you have someone in the family who you can talk to, please tell them. If they don’t know what’s happening concerning you, they will when you let them know and if they’re nice family members, even just one of them, at least they’ll care enough to help you.
Good luck!
It’s been going on for years now. My mother savors my despair. She was so happy when I was in severe pain due to broken arm. I guess you can compare my story to Ed Kemper’s relationship with his mother, only difference is that I’m not a violent man – I feel bad when I hurt or kill an insect. I had a cat which I loved so much and it made me so happy and content – she killed it, due to a minor disease, which was salivating a little too much. I was contemplating suicide, because maybe that would make her happy. But then I’d hurt my sister, my lovely grandma who’s basically raised me into my ‘teens, and a bunch of good friends.