Depression is surrounding me again, I wanna cut.
I wanna feel something, I feel so numb.
Today is mine and my boyfriends 7 months.
And he’s currently looking at 10-20+ years for dating me.
He’s 21, I’m 15.
I’ve lost my best friend, and haven’t talk to him for a month and a half.
He was my reason for living.. my happiness.
And like everything else in my life it was snatched away.
I need to talk to him.. I’m slipping again.
I might break tonight.. I know if/when he finds out he’ll be so disappointed ..
but I promised not to kill my self.
And right now I’m holding a bottle of sleeping pills.
2 comments
dude, you’re way young. too young to be killing yourself over a boy. if what you have is meant to be then it’ll be. if not then not. there’ll be other boys. there’ll be other times. but if you chug sleeping pills you’ll never know and you’ll be missing out on so much. all you’ll be is a sad story that took 15 years to end.
You said it yourself: you have less than 600 days to go.
Suck it up. Some people have to live their ENTIRE LIVES without EVER finding what you claim to have found.
So you hit a snag. So you have to wait a couple years.
Use that time to grow and prepare, instead of crying into a bottle of pills.
Plus, you know, reuniting with the guy isn’t going to be the happy ending. Even then, you’ll have an entire life of stuff left to get through, which will take a far stronger and more resilient person than someone who sits around crying about stuff they can’t control.
I know you might think i’m “being mean,” but i’m really not.
Your life isn’t over. It hasn’t even begun. You’re not dead, he’s not dead, and even if by some unfortunate tragedy the two of you don’t end up working out, you’ll have to decide to be strong and resilient, in order to be okay. Sometimes you’ll have to fight battles he can’t help you with.
Stop “playing the victim” (though i realize you actually are the victim in this case), and become a Warrior.
If you care so much about this guy, and he cares about you, then you must already know he wouldn’t want you moping around, falling apart, sad all the time, so miserable and wishing you could just die… he would want you to try not to think about the bad side of things, and to take care of yourself, to stay healthy and try to be “happy,” so that something you couldn’t control doesn’t end up ruining your life.
I’m sure he’s glad you care about him… i’m sure he knows… but i’m also sure he would not want that to cause you such pain, in the event the two of you cannot be together for a while.
It’s great that you found someone so great.
But you have to stay alive and healthy, in order to have a chance to find that person, or any other, again.
For now, don’t focus on him, or anything that’s been “snatched away.” Focus on You. That two years will pass much sooner than you think. And once it does, you might even find yourself wishing you had it back, and had spent it better than crying over bottles of pills and depressed out of your mind.