I deserve all I get

i am the most selfish person in the world. My dad beat my mum and me. He called me a fat oath and more. I get bullied at school I get called fat and that I should die and that I’m a lanky fat shit. Well I believe these things I am fat I am a waste of space. I started cutting because I called out for help and no one was there. 4 months ive been free of self harm but the self harm in my mind in still there their voices are in my head all the time. I can’t talk to no one but that’s what you get for being me.  My granddad died when I was 9 and I still think now is that it should of been me than him.  All I want is help but I can’t get none because my family think people like me ( even  tho they don’t know I self harm) should be treated hard and put in a mental institute as people like me are only looking for attention so where do I run. 🙁