I just wanna say that this website has helped me stay around this long and was a great place to let myself out. That being said, it seemed fitting that my last post be my suicide note. So here it is. Goodbye.
To Whom It May Concern…
If you are reading this than I am dead. This may come as a shock to most who know me. If you want to know why, it’s basically because I hate myself. I’ve actually vomited because I hate myself so much. I loathe myself. I’m tired of being mediocore. I’m tired of being a failure to everyone around me. I’m never going to be handsome, or successful, or marry. My future is bleak, lonely and full of suffering. So I’ve decided to let you all down one last time. Since April, something hasn’t been right and after campmeeting I found myself slipping into a black hole. I’ve done my upmost to put on a happy face and be a man, so I don’t worry anyone. I’ve tried to kill myself twice already and backed down. Ever since August I’ve been on and off again depressed. And in November I made my decision to kill myself in January. Because nothing is really going on. I figured out in August I have major depressive disorder. I hate myself so much and I hate being such a wasted space. I know there are people who care about me and who I will hurt but I just don’t care. I haven’t felt anything good for too long. And even if it gets better, it will always get worse again. I don’t want anyone to think this is their fault or feel guilty. Just please don’t hate me and please try to move on. With such a piece of trash like me it shouldn’t take too long. I’m just so sorry I could never be what anyone wants me to be or live up to anyone’s expectations. All I want to do is not exist. I just want to be normal. But I know I can’t and will never be. I’m so sorry to hurt anyone but I will never hurt anyone again. You will all be better off with me gone. I’m to stupid and messed up to ever be happy. This is the only thing I want.
-Jared
P.S. If I fail and wind up mentally disabled in any way, do not make any efforts to save me. I don’t want to live that way.
10 comments
Peace in your afterlife,,,,, pray to Jesus first…..
But I hope you really dont do it.
Bad things dong go on forever.
To me, praying to Jesus is a lifelong process – jesus is a spirit = God, and not someone to be fobbed off with a last-minute word. He does not want any to perish, so how can killing oneself be in His will?
I am going to try to take your advice, Wifeisgone, but not to do wrong. I will try to pray to do right in this life.
Please, Kurt kobian, don’t do it
God has enough angels at this time so please don’t sacrifice your self to your lord …..please wait
I really hope you don’t kill yourself. I don’t think anything awaits people who die. It’s just like you unplug your computer. Maybe you can wait. Waiting leaves more options.
@Wifeisgone: That was kind of you to offer that comment. Do you mind sharing why you believe “bad things don’t go on forever”?
@booya: What kind of options does waiting leave?
@Wifeisgone ‘Tell’ a wrongfully executed deathrow inmate that the bad do not go on forever and that he will ‘forever’ be embraced by Jesus. Of course there are those who rely on ‘Him’ for the soothing of their pain. Here, logic comes majestically into play. Think about it, not with your instincts but with your judgment.
If you agree that our existence ends entirely upon death, then yes, bad things do not go on forever.
But if you say “we don’t know what comes after,” then how can you know it’s not more bad things? You can’t.
I am of the “bad things can’t go on forever, because we stop existing when we die” camp.
If Hell exists, then bad things can indeed “go on forever.”
Honestly, i think supernatural super-beings would be smart enough and understanding enough to leave some sort of redemption path, in the event our “souls” end up in forever-bad-things land.
I really wish I would have seen this sooner…
I’m the exact same boat when it comes to feeling like this…
If you did follow through with it, rest easy…
If you do make it out of this dark place you’ve stumbled into please share with the rest of us your experience. It could help light the darkness for another.
I wish you peace in whatever path you stumbled on to.