I just recently discovered this site and have been reading through the posts. I am amazed at how young many of the authors are. Being a teenager was not a lot of fun for me but I would give just about anything to be able to go back and try again. To once again have the opportunities of youth.
A friend of mine is constantly joking with me about how old I am. Although she is almost 30, she is quite a bit younger than me, more than 10 years anyway. Even at her age there are opportunities available to her that are no longer possible for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that young people shouldn’t feel depressed or anything like that. I just wish I could have that time back, the stakes are just so much higher now. Wait a year, or three, or five… to see what happens, to try this, or try that. Wait a few more years than that and I really will be old!
Sure, happiness is a state of mind, it’s all about your attitude. That I believe but there are things I want in my life, there are criteria that I think are necessary to have the kind of happiness I want. I don’t want to have to decide to be happy anyway, without those things. I want a good relationship, a family, some kind of rewarding job or career. Chances of having those things aren’t very good for a 40-something homeless junkie. So yes, I can decide to be happy anyway. Despite. Sure, it works sometimes but I don’t want to give up on those things. Somehow it seems even more pathetic to be happy, despite… I don’t know. Is there a point? I don’t know. I do know that I will (hopefully) go to sleep tonight hoping I wake up to discover that the last 30 years were just some kind of horrible bad dream.
3 comments
You are only as old as you feel, leave. Some people may have had to grow up too fast and experience too much life too early. Others want to maintain youth and vitality forever and are always childlike. Even a 40 something homeless junkie can find and make a good life if you really want it. I hope you and all of us hurting wake up to find all our suffering years were just nightmares.
Feeling old and your actual age is really relative… some people say you begin to live at 40, some that your life goes downhill at 30, and some age incredibly at 20 (seen it happen, to someone really important to me last year). I’ve even met people who have married at 65 (a friend’s father) and is happier than he has ever been. If you have the right reasons and really want to turn your life around you still can. If you didn’t have any reasons to go on or no dream to persue… now, that’s a real problem despite your age.
The reallity is that some people are destined to live a life of misery for the rest of eternity. People are going to give you false hope that there are people out there who genuinely care about you, WHICH IS 100 PERCENT FALSE!
You are the only one who truly cares about YOU! You have to start living life for only yourself. The moment you start to live for other people you’ll get screwed. There are many people out there eager to destroy you. FIGHT THEM!