Hi Guys,
Day 20! 20 daily posts!!! Woo… It’s been a rough and sad journey, BUT we are not done xD.
So how are you guys? (Comment below!!! I’ll try to answer…)
How am I? Physically: Drained Mentally: Drained
My physical state… I have a massive headache, I am terribly tired, I feel sick and blech and *sigh*. Right now it’s one of those moods, those depressed suicidal moods, but I will get through it alive… But maybe I won’t I don’t know…. I just need someone there ya know? I just *sigh* it doesn’t really matter how I feel I guess. I mean really does it? Does it matter that I feel suicidal? Does it matter that I feel depressed? Does it matter that I’m hurting? That I’m in so much physical pain? Does it really matter?
My mental state…. As I said above I’m just depressed and suicidal… But I’ll get through this some how… *sigh* Maybe I’ll get some help this time… Instead of fighting alone…. I guess not… Maybe? I just feel so alone in this big world… I feel absolutely useless… What is the point of living when you just die? What is the point? What is the point of trying to be loved when no matter what you’ll always be hated? What is the point of living? What is the point of caring when really no one cares about you? What’s the point?
To me it doesn’t make any sense. To give so much and to get back so little. I mean yeah I’m grateful for the people that are helping me, but why should I give so much? Should I back off? And just shut my mouth like almost everyone wants me to? It’s just shut up. shut up. shut up. Maybe I should start bottling the things up. Inside just boiling no one cares really. About my feelings or my thoughts…
Poem:
does it matter
that im broken
as can be?
does it matter
that im in
so much pain?
does it matter
that i have
broken ripped wings?
does it matter
that i want
to be free?
does it matter
that i just
want to die?
does it matter
that i feel
so much pain?
does it matter
that my eyes
hurt from crying?
does it matter?
Au Demain
20 comments
LetItGo, I care. I don’t want you to shut up…….I don’t know how I missed Day 19! I was here and couldn’t find it. Or maybe i am residing in a twisted parallel dimensional universe where ever 19th day is omitted. Your day does matter to me. What did you learn today?
I learned I am absolutely useless and the only thing I am good for is to be clingy and annoying.
LetItGo, I think you learned today’s lessons incorrectly. Because, I know you are not useless not annoying. The clingy is just you being scared. It’s ok to be scared.
Well today’s lesson for me was all about on how i worry too much and how i give much and get little back and how im just a selfish person and how im just a mistake.
I like clingy…makes me feel wanted/needed…err, is that bad?
Not necessarly
I agree you worry too much, but I don’t hold that against you, tell me more about your lesson in giving
“i worry too much and how i give much and get little back and how im just a selfish person and how im just a mistake.” … hold on, you sound familiar … * looks at self in mirror *
Giving and not receiving is not necissarily a bad thing…I find enjoyment out of giving and getting something back is more of a unexpted bonus. It makes me happy so I don’t worry about it. As for selfish…I could never explain to my shrink why I see my self like that. I’m a rather big mistake…my gene’s are all screwy but if we were all perfect, it would make for a very dull world 😛
Your comment “but if we were all perfect, it would make for a very dull world :P” reminded me of a poem i wrote Without Darkness
Time;
running out
without a doubt
the control
we can’t let go
Fear;
like the darkness in the sky
the horrible screams we cry
running in our blood
our tears like a flood
Love;
its full in the heart
there’s no depart
yet there has to be pain
the tears like the rain
Hate;
there’s only one thing to say
it’s go away
like the thunder in the storm
there’s only one form
These
Emotions
The
Darkness
In Our
Lives
Remember
Stars
Can’t Shine
Without
Darkness
These
Emotions
Dark
Like The
Night Sky
There
Cannot Be
Happiness Or Fun
Without
Pain or Love
Stars
Cannot
Shine
Without
The
Darkness
Without
The
Darkness…
Without the
Darkness…
PhantomShadow, I am very far from dull…..should I worry?
Sometimes I want to get something to know that I am loved for who I am. That someone out there no matter what loves me, but that’s selfish and annoying so I just let it go and give more but at times i want to be loved but we cant always get what we want…
do you want some flowers, hugs, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, someone to take action? That isn’t true selfishness.
I do, but guess what? the only hug Ive gotten recently is *hugs* a cyber hug which is okay, but there is really no one in my life that i can just hug ya know? and for a shoulder to cry on no one is there… As for flowers? who would give someone like me a worthless person flowers? and someone to listen I have plenty of people who could listen do they decide to? no not really. someone to take action yes but *sigh* its complicated..
I would have no issues sending you flowers! You are not worthless LetItGo! That is an illusion that depression is responsible for. Yes life is complicated….But many are here for you, cry on our shoulders, let it all go
Bonjour, mon ami.
First time commenter, long time reader of your posts here. I must say, you’ve done outstanding to keep us all informed over the past three weeks. I feel as if we have shared this journey with you and I for one really appreciate it. You’d been conflicted lately as to whether or not you should carry on with your daily posts, yet I am glad you have decided to carry on with it anyway. I’d often take the time to read both your posts and poetry but couldn’t quite find what to say in response to them. You are an exceptional person, the sort I wish I knew in my daily life, and sincerely wish you the best with future endeavours and life in general.
I know you’ve had plenty of them lately, but here’s another anyway. (((HUG)))
If it were at all possible, I would do my best to provide more. For now though, this is the best I can do. Take care, my thoughts are with you. 🙂
Was it because of the French?
My comment has been placed in moderation, I’d appreciate if you had a read of it @LetItGo
Hi! I wrote the following on your next post…
I’mhere 7:42 am on February 1st, 2014
Hi LetitGo! You know something?……you are not a fake, you are a real person. I might also add a real person who can write out your feelings so articulately. That my dear is a talent, a gift, and a way to heal. Sometimes we can not express to our friends face to face how we feel, but we can express to them and ourselves the way we feel in writing. So journal to us here or to yourself. It helps the feelings come out and exposes them to the air, which in turn helps them dissipate. If you are following my metaphors.
Take care my friend, keep the pen moving, it will help. Also write down some of your good thoughts, so you always know that you have those too!
It really pertains to this post of yours also!
I can read a little French… Not a whole lot… I’m actually taking a class on it right now and I absolutely adore it. 😀
LetItGo! Good morning!
Good Morning!