Endless hours of unbearable pain.
Unbearable pain that cannot be explained
Why do I have to feel this way?
Can’t this feeling of hopelessness just go away?
I am so tired, so fed up
Can’t I just die, get it over with?
I don’t want to try anymore
I can’t try anymore
I have nothing left inside of me.
I had enough
I had enough
Why do I have to feel like this?
I want to end my life
I just can’t take this anymore
Please just let me die
The world would be better of
4 comments
But now you have a family. And we care. Something will make your life right. Life will get kinder. Its bumpy but the more you work on it the smoother it gets.
@Creeper: Please don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t mean to seem antagonistic, but what evidence substantiates an assertion that someone’s life will get better, will get kinder? Why must life improve in ways that are important to the one living a life? Why couldn’t it be that, despite efforts to turn things around, one finds one’s life continues to be unsatisfying, or more to this poster’s poem, painful? Where is the guarantee that working hard on life will definitely make it smoother?
I’m not trying to be difficult or instigatory. I’m trying to understand the logic behind these common assertions, and why it’s assumed others would buy into them.
I am trying to hold on. But it seems that every time I think that life is starting to change and things are getting better, something goes wrong again. I was in hospital a few times. There were times that I did try to commit suicide but failed. I am on anti-depressants. But it feels that it is no longer working. All I can think of everyday is death. I have googled how to commit suicide so that it will look like an accident so that my life insurance will at least be paid out and that my husband will have no debt or money issues. that is how I got to this site. Every day I am fighting these feelings and it is starting to control me. I have these un-explainable feeling of hopelessness and anxious feeling that is controlling me. I am getting to a point that I don’t care anymore. The only reason that I have not tried to commit suicide again is that I don’t want to leave my husband with no money. I should have never been born at all. I know I am not the only one feeling like this. When reading other peoples comments I realize that there are so much people with pain. So why is it that depression can haunt a person so much and control a persons life?
@Eyeore: I empathize with much you’ve shared. Suicide–how to do it quickly and painlessly–also has taken over my days and nights. At work whenever I am alone I wonder how to do it–when to do it. Alone at home I try-try-try to distract myself reading, cleaning, ANYTHING, because the moment I catch my breath all I can think of is when-how to end it. I can’t go to sleep until early morning because if I’m not dead exhausted I’ll lie in bed with a cacophony of thoughts roaring in my mind–the thousands of ghosts from my past chasing me, and how to get the hell out of here. You are right:
“All I can think of everyday is death.”
I wish you contentedness somehow, sister-in-the-hunt.