I just spent 10 days in the hospital on suicide watch. The only person to see me was my wife and kids. My one friend and that’s it. I laid in bed so alone and upset. Where did I go so wrong in my life. Have a kick ass career and 2 beautiful girls. It all started when I was a kid. My grandmother use to put me in a closet so she could tell my dad I wasn’t there when he came to pick me up. I grew up always wanting my dad and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there. Than my mom married my stepdad and that’s when it got worse. He thought I was his own personally thing he could scream and yell at. Now I’ve turned into that monster who dose it to my kids. I hate myself for it so much but in my head all I can hear is his screams. Death would be so peaceful for me but I don’t want to let my two daughters down. It’s just so hard.
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Please hold on. Things can get better, and people CAN help. Therapy CAN help.
Losing their father to suicide is something your girls will never recover from. Regardless how much you yelled at them. You need to put their needs above your pain and do whatever it takes to get better.
Hey brother I really wish I had some great words of inspiration. I’m sorry I do not. However you are not alone in this. I vowed to not be to my kids like my dad was to me, but alas. I to have his temper and have projected it out to my family as well. So I feel your pain.
It’s a cycle I need to break. My two girls are so perfect little girls. They deserve to have me but I just feel like there’s someone better for them.
I’ve just started therapy and I know I need to be strong for them but it’s so hard. Just so tired of bending so depressed. Not feeling like no one cares.
There’s absolutely NOONE better for them. So I guess if you want someone better for them, the only way to achieve it is to transform yourself into the version that you think they deserve.
People CAN help. Therapy WILL help. All of that stuff from the past can release its hold of you, and you’d have to commit to trying your best to get there.
Parents don’t have to be perfect. If they try their best, and they ARE THERE – that’s enough. It’s just enough!!!
You already are on the right road. You are not denying you have this issue. You are confronting it right now. That means you are the better one for your kids. You are steeping up the best you can right now. Take it one step at a time. Get help, for you and for the family. From what you wrote the were there to see you at the hospital. That means they are there for you. So not be there for them. Please before its too late. Take from or who dint put it together till it was to late.
You not alone. The first step is always realizing that you something to work on. Best of luck. Hell if ya want to just chat I would be more than happy to give you my e-mail address. What ever it takes brother.
Sorry for this line (So not be there for them)it was a typo on my part. i was trying to save so try to be there for them.
I would like that since it’s hard to talk to people that don’t understand what your going through.
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