Why is it that when a woman cries for help, she is immediately assisted, but should a male seek a shoulder to lean on he is weak? We are just a frail as are feminine counterparts, the only difference is it is socially unacceptable to be weak and frail, as a result, we hide our pain to avoid further ridicule.
I’ve failed time and time again.
The woman that I love with all of my heart is married, and lives in another state. I’m the other man, and even as such, i’m unsure of my importance to her. Be it because of self-esteem, or because of previous relationships with other people (not romantically speaking), it doesn’t change the issue of not knowing where i stand.
I can’t afford school. I can’t get a loan to pay for school. The military is my only option for school via G.I. Bill.
I can’t afford to move out either as i don’t make enough. Once again, the military is the only option.
I don’t particularly want to enlist, but it would be the key to put all the pins of the lock that is my life in place… I just have one obstacle, my weight.
Loosing weight is easily one of the hardest fight i’ve had to fight. The other being the battle for control over my emotions. As strong as i am, i am still at mercy to my own thoughts. Perhaps it’s time to turn to drugs again in order quell the shadow for a time.
But then again, what’s the point in getting my life in order? There’s more to life than scrapping by and struggling. True as that may be; all the riches in the world amount to nothing if you don’t have someone besides you who makes you happy, and those who have nothing have everything if they have someone to share their life with. I’d gladly be the poor one with a partner than a rich loner.
A large part of me hopes that the military will give me a guilt free suicide be it by an IED or some freak training accident. Who knows… Life is long and i’m ready to be done with it… However i don’t wish to cause those who care about me pain. See, suicide is a crime, but not against the dead, but against the living who have to cope with the emotional storm. Then again, people are strong, i’m sure they’ll get over it. They say death is the cowards way out, maybe they’re right, but it’s the path of least resistance that’s always the most appealing.
Let’s see where life takes us, but i’m ready for it to be over.
7 comments
Speak for yourself. I ain’t no cry baby.
Screw you SOB.
Homewrecker.
Pieces of shit like you destroy families and marriages.
Former serviceman here – I’d avoid enlisting with your state of mind, son. Mil Psychs will have a field day with you and besides you need to respect the nature of training and operational service; don’t use it as an easy way out, that’s just fuckin’ jack.
On the off chance you do enlist; stand by for a good ol’ rogering, mate! Well, if you Spams are as nails as us Kiwis I mean, otherwise Basick should be a picnic. Get into your exercise regimen, wind sprints will assist with weight loss and a provide an excellent full body workout, and mentally prepare for the battery they’ll throw at you.
Also: Mate, you don’t want to fuck around with a marriage. That’s how murders happen and bodies go missing, never to be found again. Just saying…
The last thing our military needs is someone with an individualized death wish and/or who is battling personal demons that aim to provide a “guilt-free suicide.” Serving your country is a serious promise to your country… and if you’re put into a dangerous zone, your job is to accomplish the mission while protecting those you serve with… INCLUDING YOURSELF. By not aiming to protect yourself, you effectively put EVERYONE at risk. In my unit, we always had each other’s backs. Period. End of story.
Risking everyone’s lives? Not cool.
PS. Shephard:
Not sure of your country but, regardless, thank you for your service.
@distant.road
Acknowledged. I’m from New Zealand by the way (Kiwis). Thanks for doing your thing and defending Old Glory against all enemies, foreign and domestic; and in such serving the free world as we know it.
Outstanding.
Sorry that you have not had any validations to your feeling that your fellowman is not really there for you as a shoulder to lean. As from some of the comments above many have very limited knowledge on how to help another individual. So here it is its ok to cry its ok to seek help matter of a fact I greatly encourage it that you do so and soon. Nothing to be ashamed of. As for being in love with that women its probably best you leave that alone. Im not here tell you what to do but I do encourge that you take my advice.
I wish I could have met you AnotherAnon before any of him, You sound like the perfect man– what is perfect? well the truth is when it comes to a being a man showing emotions whilst being strong is so natural and real. when are people going to get a grip and see that our lives is not a reality show it is reality. And joining the military well I about joined for the same reson but I had hope for getting married and having children but the ones I had wanted 20 years and I had/had this subconscious thought that I could make it. so I didn’t and to tell you the truth I feel like I punked out because I love to fight that is what makes my life story so crazy. I’ve been a fighter all my life. besides the truth/ true thing about me is I don’t believe in being shallow a poor man is a good man who knows value a rich man all he knows is stuff. A poor man deserves the back rubs, dinners, and good sex, a rich man can buy,flirt, and get away with so much. I hope you do make.