I use to think of myself being better than anyone else.But it aint worth it if u don’t prove it to the society, i realized it recently that I am the biggest failure and not a trust worthy person. in these past few weeks i have done so many regrettable things.1) i took money without asking my parents 2)I have failed my classes and coursework which my father went through a lot to get a seat in that college 3) i failed my group in completing the coursework, which ruined the relation between my best friend and me. so i had to talk with my father about this the first thing he said was get out of the house. then he calls me in then he says that I’m gonna look after me for only 1 or 2 years from now.After that he will just send me outta of the house, he doesnt care what kind of problems i have he said that it doesnt matter what happens to my reputation, just dont bring a bad name to mine, I can see that he loves me but that love is as long as I’m doing  everything he asks me to do. now my class is full enemies now. ill be honest that im a bit lazy, im searching for part time but i dont have enough qualification.
ever1 hates me in class including teachers, teachers they dont intend to show it but they imply perfectly to me. cant escape from family’s grasp and failed the classes, may seem like a small problem but its hell for me, u see i cant do anything myself
which shows that i have no right to talk about anything in my family and friends they just ignore or use for there advantage.sometime i cry at nights why am i like this and im not able change this this is being happening for almost a year and i have been holding it back. its always been same for me because where ever i go ever1 likes to make fun of me even though i helped people in there time of need, i don’t tend to talk a lot  more like waffle a lot about useless things.im literally done has iam not able to change anything by myself neither the time has changed anything. And now im scared speaking to strangers like talking to waitress at Mc Donald’s, sounds weird thinking about it myself.my self esteem is beaten to rubble. now im feeling feared by every small challenge comes in my way and i stopped trying. its easy to say dont give up but no one understands the pain like how hard it is to hang on to it no matter the consequences  but in the end what if it doesnt bring the happiness  as everyone says. yes i have fear and beginning to think that am i really doing the right course for what i want ot  be in future.
1 comment
I know what it’s like to have family and ” friends” just ignore you until they want something from you then use you and when they get what they want it’s back to being ignored. In class I’m a little lazy with my work also but it makes it even worse that a lot of people and teachers hate me in my classes. So I’m failing to and my parents don’t really understand or care why. It does make it hard to get out of bed everyday because I start to feel like… What’s the point? But I’m trying to work through this. Anyway I completely understand what your going through because I know what it’s like.