dr steve

did everyone have a good saturday?   well here is the state of my world.  i received an invitation to go out hang with my friends whom i haven’t seen in a while. the invite panicked me. none of these people know my current state of mind. and i have no inclination to fill them in. so i am at home alone, which is how i prefer to be these days. what does that say when contact from friends i have had for years makes me panic and cry?  probably not a good thing . i prefer to be alone and not have to talk to anyone. i have had crying spells on and off for a couple of weeks now. and if i am not crying i am angry. with whom or what ? who knows? if i don’t have to be social i won’t have to fake being happy? pleasant?  i can only do that for so long.     now that my drunken husband has gone to bed  i can have some peace.  my husband  is drunk enough that he forgot to hide his gun. its loaded i checked. it seems to be calling me. i suppose you would freak out  on me  if i told you this. send me to the nut hut again. the last time was rather melodramatic. i didn’t get anything out it other than a hospital bill.  i don’t want to go back anytime soon.  so i am betting that you don’t check this site regularly unless you are told to do so. not that it matters much anyway. there really isn’t enough time in the psychiatric drive thru to discuss such things. no big deal . its my call plain and simple.