I feel like somedays I can hide my depression, but lately I just can’t seem to send it away.
Apparently I’m a fake, wannabe because I try to be something I’m not, happy.
I can’t be happy, no matter how hard I try. It’s hard to not burst into tears in front of my parents,
in front of my friends. I just don’t want them to get involved, yet it’s all beginning to be too much.
I will deal with my problems; they can deal with their own. Even though I just want to fall asleep
and never wake up. Just so they don’t blame themselves. Just so I don’t have to live another day with
so much pain. Just so I don’t have to be like this everyday. Just so I have nothing to hide. Just so I’m
not forced to take pills, like my grandmother, whom never took them correctly and ultimately left us
almost 8 years ago. Not like I actually know exactly what happened to her… but all signs point to it
and no one will tell me. No matter how much I beg of them. If they knew how much that it clouds my
mind this time of year, they might. Then they’d worry too much about me; I wouldn’t be able to stand that.
It would break me even more. Shatter my hopes and dreams, though they are already shattered.
It’d just bring me down so low. It’s just so so useless; I’d rather be forever forgotten. But that,
I’m sure you know.
2 comments
Nope, they’re all delusional fucks for thinking poorly of you trying to be be yourself. Did that sound harsh? Well I think it’s true.
As for [quote] bursting into tears in front of your parents, have you ever thought what would happen? Are they the type to sympathize. Could it possible make you feel better to just release it all to them. And if not, crying isn’t bad, you can always step elsewhere and let it all out, as loud as you want. That’s strength, right there.
Your name says it all, that your hopes are shattered. Perhaps time for some new hopes. Sometimes I think we dwell to much on how to pick of the pieces of the shattered, broken hopes. And how to revive the dead ones. Why not look a different direction?
I know, I know. Easier said then done. I’m just trying to be suggestive for your happiness, or grips out of the pit.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to fall asleep and never wake up. Out subconscious still functions, and that is still, too much for me to deal with. Especially for eternity . . . sheesh. So pay careful mind to your subconscious, that overlooked thing works.
For right now, what small possibilities do you see that have potential to make you stronger. It is apparent you are smart, aware, and observant. I guess it’s all up to how everything comes into play. But what moves do you plan on making now?
I know how this low point feels. I am very sorry you, too, have to experience this position. I wish you didn’t. But for now – good luck out there 🙂
I just need to thank you, for making me think about other things and possibilities. Thank you for being so understanding, because I’m just so used to being judged so harshly. I wish you good luck as well, and I hope you’re doing well. 🙂