Its wierd i was fine this morning then now this afternoon i feel totally depressed very minor thoughts of suicide and how much easier it would be if i didnt have to worry about anything anymore.
the thing that makes me the most depressed it that i have nothing going, im 22 and i have nothing going for me no career started no plans and no matter what i try to do i fail at it, i tried to take me EMR which is my Emergency Medical Responder so i could work on the Oil rigs as a medic, but i failed the mid term as i have always done with all tests, it took me 5 tries to pass my drivers test, so i lost $1000 on that EMR course for nothing… and now im on EI and just thinking to myself how everyone i know is so much more then me 2 cousins are half way threw med school, my sister is a dentist another cousin is an egineer then here i am, unemployed and if i dont kill myself or just run away ill end up a burger flipper…
It makes me feel terrible, i hate my sister and she has never wronged me or done something that i can hold against her, i hate here because she is perfect, and i know no one is perfect blah blah blah, she is Straight A, never get less then 95% on a test perfect sibling. and im the useless fuck that will never pass anything he tries no matter how much work i put into it.
I would rather be dead then flip burgers for the rest of my life.
dont really know why im here, just wanted to write down how i was feeling…
5 comments
I feel exactly like you except I’m a few years younger. Sometimes I feel like the world wasn’t built for me, rather, it was built to fuck with me. Truth is though, your probably just different, truth is, you probably have some good ideas. It’s not like the people who fit into the current cookie cutter shape have done anything so great. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
why would you rather die than flip burgers for the rest of your life?
is that what life is about to you? being successful in regard to your career by the time you’re 22? I mean, i’m 22. I have no job. I have less than $100, and I don’t have a career lined up, I dropped out of college, etc. but i’m happy to be alive.
If it makes you feel better, i’m an engineer and i’m unemployed as well with no good job opportunities other than a dead end job (if i decide to take it) due to several factors that lined up in the last few years. I’m 10 years older than you, so i’d have to be pretty suicidal at this point. Next thing i know i might end up lurking a suicide websit… ehm… wait.
Actually, income does influence your overall life status, but it doesn’t say anything about how happy you are in the long run, and doesn’t define opportunities that are presented to you in most cases. And if you really care about money i know guys who barely ended high school and are winning triple than i could win with my career (in a good job, not in the crappy one i can get), so you can still turn things around if you want.
Life isn’t about your job. Definitely sounds like you’ve had it rough, but you can’t measure your success by comparing yourself to other people. You’re different people with different talents and goals. They might want to be a lawyer, while some days just getting out of bed is a big deL for you. It’s not something to be ashamed of, you all are just walking different stages of different paths.
Sorry i spose i should of added more to it, i have never had a friend, outside my dog, i almost killed myself in highschool because of the standard reasons bullying and all that bullshit i held off though i thought it must get better after school but no it really didnt its been the same these last 5 years, ontop of that i am Asexual meaning i am not attracted to anyone im a virgin but its because i dont see anything when i look at a girl, or a boy for that matter, and that makes me even more depressed because that just means i will never have a meaningful relationship in my life, who wants to be with someone who isnt attracted to you, im Sheldon from Big bang theory basically just way more stupid.
i hate myself, i have for a long time and i dont expect that to ever change, and the reason i am so pissed and hate myself about career and jobs is if i dont find a decent paying job i wont be able to afford a place where i can keep my dog, who really is my only friend.