So, if you read my previous post, “A New Low”, you’ll understand the title and the following post.
So, I wasn’t fired from my job. Instead, they have decided to make my life so unbearably miserable that I want to quit. Today, literally, no one spoke to me. I would initiate conversation or ask a question and no one would respond. Unless I died and I just haven’t realized it, I would think that the least people could do is answer questions so that I could go about doing my miserable job. If i’m wrong, by all means, please point it out. I’m not being provided with the information that I need to complete my job and so I go about tasks doing it the way that I think it should be done and I end up doing it wrong anyway.
I know that this happens in every job but for some reason each emotional cut from this job feels worse than any other. I literally feel like I am being emotionally abused. It’s getting worse and worse everyday and all I can picture is someone ripping my heart out and crushing it. I realize i’m probably over-reacting to all of this but it doesn’t change the way that I feel. I feel like I am being caged, and antagonized like an animal in a cage. I’m being prodded trying to get a reaction. I was always taught that you don’t bite the hand that feeds you, and knowing myself, if it comes to it, I will probably end up taking it out on myself.
I stopped myself from writing the letter earlier. Mostly because I kept changing what I wanted to say. I feel like i’m being robbed of dignity and I don’t know where to go. I just want to disappear and vanish. I don’t want to have left a mark on the world. I don’t think i’ve done any good anyhow. I keep thinking about asking for help but I keep deciding that it won’t help. At this point, I think medication is my only option.
How do I escape a world that has changed me to it’s core? I’m beginning to feel desperate and I know that’s not good. I need to find an escape…some relief…somewhere and somehow. I’m ready to run and that’s all I want to do. Run.
9 comments
Hi, Aarina. I don’t have any advice or anything, but wanted to say that you are in no way over-reacting. The behavior of your coworkers is beastly.
Ariana,
You said the job provides your home and food. Is there any way you could stay with a friend or family member? I ask because i had a job that was doing the same thing to me and walking away was the best thing i could do for myself. If your family can’t understand that the job is causing you to deteriorate, then don’t involve them. You are what’s important and so is your well being.
I would be happy to listen if you need to talk.
AarianaDaae I’m sorry to hear this is how things have gone since your last post. I wish I had some sort of useful advice or insight like you gave me.
Are you already taking any medication?
I do have options in regards to housing and food but I don’t know that I’d be able to afford it. The cost of living is somewhat high where I am. I appreciate the support.
arealist: No, i’m not currently on any medication. I get debilitating migraines and the medication I take for those would react badly with anti-depressants. I need to sit down and figure out which condition needs more attention. I appreciate your continued support. I hope things are going well with you.
Oh dear you really are between a rock and a hard place with medications. Perhaps your prescribing doctor could advise of possible solutions, I would hate to think your only option is to choose one or the other. Hang in there and keep posting, I’ll be listening as long as I’m around.
Thank you.
Ariana,
Sweetheart, where do you live? I am near Seattle and understand the cost of living. But i also have a shit ton of available help to get you into housing or just getting connections so you can walk away from that job. Email me honey, we can talk. reynolds_melissa@rocketmail.com
I just want you to know people are here that care about you and your well being!
I live in Michigan so we aren’t really close. I appreciate the warm thoughts.
Unfortunately, I do not live anywhere near where you do, so I cannot provide any assistance. But that’s an awful thing to do to someone, and it could be constituted workplace retaliation or bullying, and you may possibly have a case for litigation. Depending on how frightened your company is of lawsuits (especially if you are female), you might be able to get something out of that. Or at least the threat of it may cause them to back off.
Sadly, it may also cause them to get worse. My best suggestion is that unlike a relationship, it is often easier to find new work. While just as judgmental sometimes as potential new friends, they are judgmental in different ways that might not be so bad. I would suggest beginning your search immediately – the online job boards are a good place to start. Though the best opportunities tend to come from networking, you can still get a decent job from those you find posted on the job sites.
Bu please, do not allow a company that permits this sort of behavior to determine your happiness. You’re articulate and an excellent writer. This tells me you’re at the very least educated and intelligent, and deserve better than to be treated like this. If speaking to someone would help you, I am willing to be a sympathetic ear if that’s what you need.