8 tablets a day

So, only 2 tablets for depression and the rest for other things, but they aren’t even making a difference…the doctor says ‘no amount of dosage is going to make this go away so you need to figure out what it is that’s really bothering you’ um, I know full well what bothers me but most of the things that do are beyond my control and I cannot change them. I just don’t belong here you know?

I have online therapy because that was the quickest form of help they could give me…I have been feeling so anxious this week:( I’m not even really sure why, I have come home from UNI for good though. I haven’t finished my course, I haven’t even completed my first year….but because of my depression, constant suicidal thoughts and self harm in attempt to commit suicide, I had to leave that horrible place.

But now I just feel a bit lost, like, what do I do now ? :/

I feel like no one really truly understands me, well no one I have met anyway…I feel so alone, and I wish I had more friends who were like me, my anxiety has been making me feel SO ill, like i’m going to throw up, pass out, constant pounding headaches, tired, etc…I just want it to end, I don’t feel like me, I’m fully aware I’m unhappy.

All I want right now is to be the happy, bubbly, crazy, funny girl I know I can be, but right now I feel so far from that and I feel as if I cannot bring myself back into that state of happy, like something is pulling me back, like I am tied in chains.

Help?…