i think ive been lost

I think ive been lost for a while now. I finally realized how sad and miserable my life has been for at least a good 4 years. Ive been aware that im depressed following other illnesses by my doctor diagnosing me with depression and other mental illnesses, but it barely hit me. Hard. I look around and i look at me, at this 14 year old girl who cant find her face nor her soul anywhere. I look in the mirror and i see a girl who looks so lost, so tired. All kids my age, even younger or older seem to have things under control and i cant even seem to have my shaking hands under control. My own hands. I think im really lost now, i think i flew up too high, i think i swam too far, i think i slept for too long, i think i let for too long now. Fuck.