It’s been almost 7 years dealing with the same routine. Dealing with these thoughts, emotions, and temptations. I’m just so tired.
And the thing that brought be to the edge, once again, is completely ridiculous!
My father and sister think I’m gay. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to bash on those who are homosexual or bisexual, but I know that I’m heterosexual.
It’s just that recently I’ve been staring at girls for a while. Not with romantic purpose, but instead I’ve been constantly comparing myself to every single girl I see. I see all of them and they are all much prettier than I am, better than I am, they’re always better than me. Now this has never really happened before. It didn’t start hopping until I really became self conscious about myself, with the help of my older sister. You see, I have an older sister who, if I’m being. Honest is really pretty and she knows it. She has alway made me feel like garbage. Not only because she used to physically abuse me when I was a child, but because she always boasts about how many guys like her and how she acts like she doesn’t like it and yet she plays along with them.
I’m so tired of everyone liking her just because she’s pretty, and yet they fail to see her ugly heart.
I always get ignored. And im just so tired of all of it. I know it’s stupid, the reason why. But having a low self esteem since I was 9 years old is really taking it’s toll on me, and I just don’t know of I can go much longer…
5 comments
I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy to be fixated with other woman as a way to compare yourself to them. But I do understand the difficulties with how media projects woman as sex toys and play things and just plain eye candy. “With the help of your older sister” says a lot about her own insecurities and the need to bring you down. I think I appreciate a woman’s body more aesthetically but that could also be because they are so often sexualized. Physical beauty only holds out for so long when paired with a sucky personality.
In closing, “if your soul is beautiful, you are beautiful in all ways.”
Thank you. And I know it isn’t good, but I just can’t help it. Our parents always compare us. And my dad is only paying attention to her since I can remember, I never even had the opportunity to form a true relationship with him because all his attention goes to her. Even with having other children, he doesn’t care, it’s all about her. And she uses it to her advantage. I’m just tired of her and everybody.
There’s always going to gmbe someone younger prettier and skinnier. But there is an awesome saying….show me a prettg girl and I will show you a guy who’s sick of fucking her lol
show me a Christian girl and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of fuckin her ass. ^ this felt “wholly” relevant to every “point”.
Lol