I keep waking up. I woke up in a pool of blood that one night, a month ago. I woke up. 80 ounces of the hardest alcohol I can afford, twenty cuts later, and I still wake up. I’ve overdosed so many times, on pills and booze it’s like my tolerance is way too high now. I wake up every time. Even as a kid, I’d try at least once a week. I’d wake up every time. A whole bottle gone, and I would still just wake up.
I’m scared, because every time I try to finally die, it just does not happen. I’m scared because when I get these last couple paychecks from my two jobs, I’m going to buy a shotgun. I’m scared, I’ll wake up in the hospital again, and be horribly disfigured, ashamed, and worst of all, alive. I know a man who tried it, he lived. Though it’s improbable, he lived. I’m scared I’ll somehow make it through again.
I beg to whatever deity might exist, Please do not let me wake up again.
Let this end.
~D~
17 comments
People have lived and there face is gone. And they have to exist without a face. I’m not saying this to be funny or even morbid. The photo took me aback…
I know they have, that is my fear. As mentioned in the post I know of a man who lives life with no face. No expression. Nothing but a destroyed face. He lived. Which is awful.
Only if you do it incorrectly and use the wrong type of gun. Don’t aim at your face.
So that in and of itself should discourage you.
Hmm…… Oh keckis.. Touché….
It has been discouraging me, but it’s a little too late.. I’ve lost everything. My jobs are at risk, my friends all are gone, my best friend is gone, my girlfriend.. The girl I loved, gone…. My family hates me. I’m a very anti-social person, so it’s not like i’ll find friends again, or love again. I ruined my life basically. And I can never take any of it back. Even though I changed everything, I lost the one I loved and she never will give me another chance. eh… anyways. sorry. didn’t mean to share all that. you just made me think a little bit, I didn’t anticipate a comment like that. It’s just a little too late.
They say sharing is caring lol. I’m being goofy. But hey share away. Ok. Me too. Here you go. I have no job. My husbanfmd is in prison for yhe next ten years so I told him last month I gotta move on. But really it’s just cuz he cheated with a minor and is in prison! I’m now a single mom of an almost three year old. I have just my mom and dad who are elderly and they live in another state. When they go that’s it. No one left. His dad isn’t in the picture and his mom’s dead. I’m on meds and in counseling but still have suicidal ideations. Trust me. I get it. Who’s gunna raise my daughter if I go? A foster family? Where they physically And sexually abuse her? How am I gunna raise her without a job? If I kill myself she gets social security I think? I’m barely hanging on myself. We give each other strength. Sharing helps. Trust me 🙂
What foster homes have you been reading up on? o.o
Typos sorry
If you talk to anyone who has been in the system most will tell you they have been abused
I’ve visited half a dozen foster homes, all boring, regular old christians. Don’t they have people checking up on these things?
No. Dcfs is stretched too thin. When the kids get older they run away. The rate of physical abuse is astonishing. The sexual abuse usually occurs between the foster kids themselves. Google it. The stats speak for themselves. I worked with people in the industry in various states and it’s scary. I don’t want my child in foster care or a group home
And it’s always in the local and national news media. Cnn and nancy grace etc
Well I live in Wisconsin. I’m going to say on average things are tamer here.
redacted
Says the man who just posted a story about hatchet-wielding WI kids… Keep ’em on your side of the river!
Nancy Grace is dangerously insane. Seriously.
Keckis, I understand that with the foster kid. For you, and the kiddo. I wouldn’t do anything, every friend I’ve ever had that lived with a foster home has experienced such things you talk about. Astonishingly enough though, except for me, My foster family was amazing and taught me a great deal of life and treated me perfectly.. Then uh. My real family decided one day to just, take me away from them. uhm. So. But anyways, it is a bad situation and no kid should grow without one parent at least who will love and support them. And yeah, chances are they wont get that in a foster home.