This time i thought everything was ok..i thought it was all going to be better…but here i am again..scared of everyone that looks at me..wondering what the hell they think…thinking they think i am insane… am i insane? i feel like everyone is watching me all the time..watching what i do… judging me..my logical mind knows this is not true..people have so much more to think about in the day..not everything is about me..but why is that how i feel..why do i feel like they are all judging me for every action i take..no matter how small… good or bad..
i feel like everything i do or think..or how i act is why people look at me..do the things they do..say the things they say…why cant they just do things without caring how i FEEL…why does anyone even give a shit..
why do i feel like im letting everyone down constantly..i cant do anything right and i cant stop this spiral from going out of control over and over again..i hit bottom and somehow i am back at the top screaming..wishing i could stop…
i just want to curl up in a ball and disappear..i don’t want to keep feeling like they are all after me..i just want things to fade away..to be quiet.. i don’t want anyone to think about me…just leave me alone and let me rot…i am not the only one that exists in this world..why should the breath i take matter..
i cant even do anything that’s worth …anything.. at least that’s how i feel..
i just want the world to fade away…i want darkness.. silence..i don’t want to hurt anymore..