This is a question that I am posting in hope of an answer, most of my other posts are simply because I need to get it off my chest, but this is a life situations I really need help on.
Maybe this isn’t the place to do it, but, well it links in.
I am a rape victim, I was caught up in an verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationship in my teens.
I have been with my partner for 2 years now, we have discussed engagement and everything is okay. That is exactly why I feel so trapped, it’s just so – ‘okay’. I mean we have these amazing romantic nights in, and go out on midnight strolls like it’s still the first few months, and everything we do is straight out of a romance. But, it’s the fact it’s with him. I don’t know how or why I feel like this, he is lovely to me, he is nice, generous, caring and devoted. He is physically attractive and active in the bedroom. I feel like I am not good enough to have him, and ontop of his the fact I don’t return his deep affections makes me feel so ashamed. I am aware other women would die for this ‘flawless’ man. But I can’t bring myself to feel the same way.
To the point where I have an intense interest in another man which has been going on for 6 months.
I know what is morally right. Pick a side, cut off romance with one or the other and stay completely loyal, but it’s just so hard. My current relationship is stable but makes me depressed. However this new ‘exciting’ option could fall down around me and leave me with nothing and I am completely lost on to what to do.
I do not want to hurt anyone, I do not want to hurt myself, I do not want to be lost back into the sadness I feel so many years ago when I found myself alone again.
What can I do.
7 comments
I think it was Johnny Depp who said “if you love two people choose the second, because if you really loved the first you never would have fallen for the other” or something to that effect. While I don’t usually pay much attention to things Captain Jack Sparrow says, it sounds like this fits your situation. The first guy sounds like he’s safer for you, but lacks the connection you feel you have with the second guy. It seems like it’s unfair to keep him around as a plan b if it doesn’t work with the other man. I don’t know if that answers your question but it’s how I’d look at it.
How do you think things will feel 2 years in with the 2nd guy? All relationships change over time. Hope you get this situation figured out.
Let this first guy know you are cheating on him, watch him walk, then go run to your lover, who will most likely dump your ass in the future.
You can never predict another person’s behavior, she could remain faithful and still get rejected later and I don’t believe she was cheating on him. I’m not sure if you understand or have been in a relationship before or are just taking it out on her.
I married a female who turned out to be a complete and utter true whore who is the definition of the word.
Eh…sounds like number 2 would be the way to go for you..
I feel like I should weigh in here. The problem with those of us who are more comfortable with chaos and insecurity is that sometimes we self-sabotage. We screw up a really good thing because we are not comfortable and are not used to feeling loved and cared for so we go for a more abusive relationship because that’s what we feel we deserve and that is what we are used to. It’s not like twilight, you don’t get to string two guys along because they should and probably will smarten up and you end up with nothing. Make a choice. Again, you may have a really good thing and you need to figure out if this side romance is really just fear talking.