It was the supreme power, matrix or whatever it is called wanted me to suffer. That’s why all those escape routes I could have were brutally eliminated. I am made to loose and suffer. Family is one big cause of this mess but there were other reasons too. No matter how much I try, the supreme power will always derail it. May my life end quickly. Hopefully today. On this auspicious occasion of Ganesh Puja, a religious Hindu festival I want to finish this mess called life.
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I used to believe in Bhagwan. No more. Truly one so merciful and loving does not exist. Though there are kind humans out there.
I am unable to gather courage for committing suicide. How can I gather it? Flower, are you from India??
Eventually I have to gather the courage as suicide looks like the only way out.
Hopefully I will gather courage at right time as there is no point in dragging my life with this torture. Cowardice attitude will make my life further torturous, humiliated, painful, hellish etc. I will have to take the initiative to end this mess forever.
Oh Gosh, Lipu, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this! Believe me I understand these feelings of life being one gigantic mess and me being a total fuck-up, but I really hope you can find a way to keep going honey. I lived in India for a couple of years though I’m English, are you from India?
Yes, I am from India.
Dear Sepp and Flower, nobody likes to have such a hopeless and painful thought about life. But as I said the fate, matrix, supreme power whatever you call it ended all the possible solutions. The message is loud and clear. The signal is quite clear and bright. I have to end this life as quickly as possible. Have to. Just have to.