i cannot take feeling this way

i shouldnt have this much pain inside of me. i dont have it nearly as bad as other people. i have a loving mother, roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tum, a beautiful car, etc. yet i still feel broken inside. all because of her. why couldnt she love me again? why does she have to move far away and leave me here? she couldve made me the happiest man in the world. nobody will ever love her as much as i do. i cant take feeling this way. once shes gone and my mother passes, i will be empty, just waiting to pull the trigger and end this unbarable pain.