I’m in that space right now where I can’t tell if I’m depressed because of the meds (Xanax and Prozac) or depressed because of me. I felt so blank on the way home it was hard to keep myself from just driving off the highway. I feel confused, and tired of being confused, and apathetic to the act of breathing. It’s so strange…. Yet again, I’m not sad, I’m not mad, I just feel like I could wink out of existence at any moment. Like, just slip into death. I’m already 27, aren’t I too old for this sort of melodrama?
I love to see beauty, I want to be a part of beauty, but I’m much too far in character and appearance from that sweet delicate existence. I’m not pretty enough for sadness but I think I could be quite beautiful in death. Maybe my most meaningful moment would be in death. Maybe that’s where one finds fulfillment and purpose.
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“driving off the highway”… I was driving yesterday and I could not concentrate because of my medication(Keppra). I was running red lights and not even knowing it. I guess cars were beeping at me but I couldn’t hear it.
Maybe you’re feeling a little numbed out from the meds? I took zoloft for a couple of years and started to feel kind of like you just described. If benzos are newer for you, they’ll def give you that kind of hangover zombied out effect too. Jmho.
Just woke up, def think it was the meds. I need be a bit more careful with the Xanax I think. Thanks!