So then internet, this is something new to me but something i feel i need to get out of my system.
I’ve had a very privileged life, i’ve travelled the world to some amazing places all in the hope of truly finding out who i am as a person. It’s 5 years later and i feel further from finding that answer than ever before.
3 years ago i tried to kill myself whilst in Asia. Overdosing and cutting myself silly. That didn’t work and i was rescued by a fantastic couple who for one of them had been in the same situation previously in their life. This made me think about what was happening and what had brought me to that point in my life that resulted in me attempting to give up. Seeing how someone can recover and rebuild their life looked so promising and worthwhile.
So back to today and i’m in South America now and for the last couple of months i’ve had the same feeling that i had back in Asia.
This morning i’ve just hit rock bottom, arguing with my partner of 16 months and losing work. I haven’t spoke with family for 5/6 months, mainly because i don’t want them to see what is happening with me. I’m looking for a way to end it all, i can’t continue to maintain this front for the people i’m around. It’s too tiring to have to fake my emotions for everybody, come home and face the music.
I’m giving up my previous life to be with my partner, culture change, job change…everything basically. I know it is worth it but i don’t feel that she would miss me if i decided to take some serious action. We’ve tried to end the relationship before but we ended up running back to each other realising that we’re the only people that understand our true feelings.
I don’t belong back home, family and friends don’t understand my situation. I’ve tried to tell them before only to be put under intense pressure to make a move i wasn’t prepared to make.
If anybody has been in a similar situation i’d appreciate hearing from you…whatever advise you may have.
I’m looking for a solution to this mess that i call my life. The sooner the better.
Thank you.
1 comment
If you understand the concept of grounding oneself…I would engage in such activity. It is no small wonder you are relapsing into an old pattern of thinking…you must feel like there is no earth beneath your feet. As you mentioned…you have left everything safe and known behind.
I wish I had better advice for you…but don’t know enough about your situation to say more. Just grab hold of something solid and hold on. Sounds to me like you feel you have just pissed off or hurt the only one currently keeping you here. In the end…the situation is exacerbated by dwelling on negative situations, being in negative environments, working with negative people and not having enough positives in your life or being able to accept them.
Hang on…stay strong…and google grounding. Good Luck