My life, join me together we can make change, only we can take care of each other as one another becuase only we know the true pain and tragedy we have live though

What’s on your mind this computer asks me? I tell it sickness. I’m the regular happy boy that changed his whole life around without noticing that my mistakes where to not talk to anyone who could help me. I want to share my story with those who have serious doubts thiers a bit of a chance of surviving the cuts and bruises that you have done to yourself or others have done towards you. We’ll idk how to start but I’m already starting to swell n tear just going through my haunting memories pasts. I started off living the good life, always happy anywhere anytime of the day. At 14 I moved to a country type location, only farms n ranches, always had this smell I could never forget. I began smoking weed due to influence around me, n i thought I found my first an forever true love, what I didn’t know was that these girls would break hearts of whoever wasn’t from around here or who didn’t really know about anything, so yea I was an idiot, I bought her a diamond ring with my life savings at 14!!! Imagine walking into a jewlery shop at that age asking for $500 dollar ring, the price was right but the girl wasn’t. Years pass by, I was expelled from school at 15 for carrying around marijuana, I was just the dumbass pothead who didn’t have life direction or calling. I always had friends, or I guess that what you call them, but anyways I went to an arts academy bullshit school, got my ass beat plenty of times thier, not even trying to go to school anymore so I started skipping, I would even walk to school an walk back home when my partes where gone just to keep under the radar, if the telephone rang around 5 pm I knew to answer it and say “it was the stupid advertisements”. I couldn’t stop thinking about my first true love, but at 16, we had been together for 3 years, it was valentines day, I had been planning to give these dr beats to my gf, she didn’t know I was coming over as a suprise. So when I got thier I realized I should call before I knock (since it was past 11) so I did but no one answered. I knocked anyways not giving a fuck about anyone because it was valentines day an all I wanted to see was my babes happy smile when she saw me 🙂 when the door opened my heart dropped, i was stunned, paralyzed no words to speak with, an utter sound came out my mouth with this feeling in my stomach like I was punched by a pro boxer. She had been getting drunk, at 15!!! With some old dude and her mom n fam where drunk as we’ll, :,( I started crying while I drove home, i will never forget that day. It has been on my mind since It happened, and the memories of us being together hurt even more because I don’t have her with me. So here I am 16 no life direction no thoughts on my mind but suicide. But I couldn’t just give up that fast, I’m only 16 I’m young strong and most of all I have myself, more than anything I want you to know only you and yourself will take care of you better than anyone else, that doesn’t mean your alone though, I am just like you and need compassion and friends and I really do need love too. We all do, so that when I began to let Jesus control the steering wheel of my life, then I went and enrolled myself into military school, the whole experience was a blast, I would relive the moments if possible, the only thing that hurt me where the students, they always harassed me. At the end of the year the teacher told me I received 0 credits due to insufficient work turned in, to me it sounded like she picked up the wrong folder or didn’t search everywhere, but later on found out that te same students claiming to be friends with me had tore up my work and drawn dicks on it to mess with me. I’m the type of guy to control myself under any circumstances but that day I was curious little george ???? and started finding ways to hurt myself, it didn’t work I felt to painful to put this blame on me, then I started threatening them inside my thoughts but I thought twice, now that I’m 18 I’m going to a school that allows 18-21 old to get diplomas instead of GED, I’m glad I have my life in a right direction, but trust me the fight isn’t over just yet. The only thing keeping my life from falling is Bud, Pot, Marijuana, THC whatever, it helps me fight the pain inside. Not to mention I have been speaking to councelors and suixide hotlines to help me at times. My only request to you whoever you are wherever you may be, is at thought times you can feel the pain, the same pain I still feel today. I have much more than just that, I would like to share mine with you. This pain is nothing to hide and I want to hear your story as well, with time and Jesus and us together I promise you one thing you won’t be alone 🙂 my snapchat is SickMindZ my Instagram is SickMindZ my kik is SickMindZ and I’m SickMindZ R U?