Hi.
I hate my life. Nothing has any use… whatever I do, It’s never good enough. Life always seems to bite me in the ass. When I think I’m happy and my life finally goes well, it just stabs me 5 times in the back….
I just don’t know what to do with myself…. This is the second time I’ve been thinking of actually killing myself.
I’ve had these thoughts many times before but I’ve only once actually tried to plan something. A few years ago something happened that made me plan out my suicide. I already wrote letters and I was going to order all the things I needed to get it done. But…. Back then, the thought of my mom and my friends stopped me.
This time however… The thought of my mom and my friends does make me sad. But… They just have to understand where I’m coming from. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s like my whole life is one big joke. It ALWAYS stabs me in the back. Whenever I’m happy, it just throws me right back into that black whole…. I’m afraid of being happy. Because since forever, every time I feel happy, something happens that just punches me back down.
I don’t know what to do…. I also feel like I can’t do anything right. Is doesn’t matter how hard I try for something, it’s never good enough.