I just can’t do this anymore though, I lay in my bed awake just thinking and not thinking at the same time. On the weekends I don’t leave my bed. I have this powerful urge to get up and start walking. I want to walk and never look back. I want to walk so far away and just stop existing. I’m a freakin burden to my parents, siblings, friends, everyone. I feel it, I see it in their eyes. Why is this happening to me? My ex and I just recently broke up, we were dating for a year. I just found out that a week after we broke up he got a bj from two different girls and slept with another. I guess I can understand why he did it but it still hurts like hell. It’s only been a month since the break up. I’ve stopped wearing my seatbelt in hopes that a car will hit me. I don’t know what I’m doing. Why am I still here?
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You’ve done nothing wrong. People will do things, sometimes unexpectedly, that we can’t control. Your ex made a decision, perhaps surprisingly after a year, and maybe did some unexpected things in a short amount of time. That doesn’t take away from the fact that you deserve to be respected and cared for. This particular relationship might not have worked out but there will be others. Just like you met him, you’ll have opportunities to meet other people. You never know when and how a friendship will blossom. But you gotta give it a chance and you need to take care of yourself. Not wearing seatbelts and giving up on yourself aren’t the answers. As hard as it is, accept that what he did is beyond your control. Give yourself some time to process. Then get back out there and keep trying. Walking a short distance to burn some energy is actually a good idea. It’s better than staying in bed. I don’t think you’re the burden that you mentioned. Things are rough at the moment. You’re entitled to have a bad moment. Life isn’t perfect. But, at the end of the day, don’t give up on yourself. You are your own best friend and, if you’re determined, you’ll move forward.
I see it’s your first post. Welcome to the site. You’ll find some good support here. People here often understand the challenges that others face. It can also help to get things out of your system. There is a reason for you being here. Give yourself a chance to find it.