Sorry for everything..

soo…hi.. ^^
well i dont know where to start…i became 17 last december…since i was a kid i fucked up everything..
literally everything…school..relatives.. even my parents dont want me with them..im not good at studying..
im just useless..my family wanst a good one either.. parents devorced..had to live with step mom..and it was horrible.. then i went to cyprus
where my mom worked..i wasnt good with my step father either..i just didnt know how to communicate..
slowly i go used to people..language..made friends.. still..i was lonely..even tho i laugh..i feel really empty..my mom was complaining about how low my grades are..
that i stuck to my computer n shit..i wanted to die..i started self harming..it helped me to forget my emotinal pain..
slowly i became cold hearted and rude.. and then one da i met this amazing girl..she listened to me.. she cared.. she loved.. she was far away from me
i had to wait 6 months to meet her after i first asked her out..we were together for 8 months..i thought i had a new hope..
new light..new purpose..something to protect..something to live for..i tried to change my behaviours but..it was too late..
she left me..i loved her a lot..like crazy..i still do..i know shes hurt everytime i talk to her.. now that all hope is gone..i dont have any reason to move on..
i love her..i dont wanna be a pain to her anymore.. i dont wanna waste my moms time and money either… all the people that i hurted..im sorry..
ill carry my sins..soon ill be gone..if someone concidering suicide.. stay strong.. dont give up like me.. to the girl i loved..im sorry silly..im really sorry..
i love you a lot..thank you for giving me company.. i just wanted to release my feelings before i setoff..

-idiotpuppy