If kill myself, my dad will blame my mom. Scream at her “You were supposed to be the one watching after her” followed by how he has two jobs, followed about how she doesn’t have a job, about how she should have read the signs, how she was always in the way and the lies will spew on and on until she is sick and lonely and miserable. He will make it all about him and then, with his room locked, he will let my message of how much of a failure as a father he is finally hit him.
I wish suicide was like disappearing, completely erasing your self. No footprints, no memories, no relations, just completely going away, taking it all with you.
I won’t leave a letter behind. And hope that’s enough for everybody to have a really good reason to think I was just a bad decision.
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Quote from your post:
“I wish suicide was like disappearing, completely erasing your self. No footprints, no memories, no relations, just completely going away, taking it all with you.”
I feel the same. But it is not. I believe at the end if I die by my own hand, it’ll hurt, alittle or a lot, it doesn’t matter. You know how a minute can tick by so slowly? I don’t want this pain to be my last feeling I feel.
That said, this world is a tough place. I have said the very same thing as you. If it could be I say, as if I’d never lived. Just close up my space. Three sisters instead of four. Someone else doing the jobs I’ve done and said the words said. No need for me.
There is a need though. A need for me to be me without this pain. I don’t know how it’s suppose to happen. But I will keep going, searching for how to survive.
I hope you do the same. No one else can be you. Search for your better life.
Take great care of YOU.
“I wish suicide was like disappearing, completely erasing your self. No footprints, no memories, no relations, just completely going away, taking it all with you.”
Don’t we all…
— I think.. for more you think that’s what’s gonna happen to your parents, we can’t predict the future. Maybe that’s not how they’ll react at all. I also think about mine, the pain I’ll bring, the guilt they’ll feel. But who knows if that’s right? Because we lived together all our lives we assume that we know how other people will react. But isn’t that also the reason we’re here? We expect other people to act a way and it goes completely different and we’re now feeling worthless. I’m not saying your parents will blame each other or love the idea of you going away. But perhaps they’ll feel lost, guilty, definitely sad. And possibly angry, like you said. But not because your father is blaming your mother, but because they can’t accept what happened.
I hope I make sense. I don’t wanna be negative but we can’t tell what other people will do.