I had a bad dream the other night so horrible that I kept waking up, but I would fall back asleep. The pain from the dream has been lingering lately and truly saddens me. I sit here and tell myself and the rest of the world that I’m over the first guy I loved. It has been almost a year and the urge to have any contact with him has long been gone. I don’t love him anymore it feels like our whole relationship the past 10 years were all part of a dream. Him moving on helped me to move on and I needed that, the extra push to continue my life. More times than I want I find myself wondering if any of it was real. I realized that he was never truly a good friend he wasn’t a true best friend. I have a guy now who almost always answers my phone calls and lets me talk for hours, he feeds me, helps me whenever. He devotes so much to me and he has no reason to yet he does it because he wants to. If that’s not a best friend idk what is, he has spent millions of hours helping me. Life always has a way of putting a damper on any progress I make and it’s frustrating. The second guy I was with we stopped talking two months ago and he’s just now popping into my life out of no where. Not sure how to feel or what to do about it guess it’s all bring a flood of emotions and memories. It makes me feel like each time I try to get away something pops up and pulls me back in. Make amends, don’t? Cry, laugh? I don’t know
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Cry and laugh. You’ll understand yourself better when you reflect afterward.
Sometimes I can’t help but think everything is illusionary or as if there are supernatural forces determining what external influences I perceive. It’s certainly possible, but I haven’t been able to rationally justify why. I’ve felt this way ever since I went through abandonment for my first time.
Look toward other people in your life for support and try to stand independently. I think that’s helped me at least. When you spend every day with somebody as much as you can then all of a sudden you don’t, this can cause you to feel lost or incomplete. That’s fine, so long as you are able to find yourself and become complete again as you move on.
Treasure your memories. Embrace your feelings. Trust your instincts. Become complete, in a way you never had the chance to before.
((((alina_01)))) Maybe some of the old feelings of sadness is popping up because of the second guy leaving for two months and now is back? Did he explain anything? I am glad he helps you. I hope you take care of you too. If the second guy leaves again or gives you pause… please listen to your cut feelings.
Also, ten years is a long time and no wonder it has taken so long to move along.
I am hoping you have a wonderful day! Blessings to you. 🙂